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object:3-2-1 Shadow Process
class:injunction
subject class:Integral Theory
subject:Integral Theory

GOLD STAR PRACTICE
The 3-2-1 Shadow Process
First choose what you want to work with. It is usually easiest to begin
with a "difficult person" to whom you are attracted or by whom you are
repelled or disturbed (for example, a lover, boss, or parent.)
Alternatively, pick a dream image or a body sensation that distracts
you or otherwise causes you to fixate on it. Keep in mind that the
disturbance may be a positive or negative one.
You can recognize the shadow in two ways. Shadow material either:
Makes you negatively hypersensitive, easily triggered, reactive,
irritated, angry, hurt, or upset. Or it may keep coming up as an
emotional tone or mood that pervades your life.
OR
Makes you positively hypersensitive, easily infatuated,
possessive, obsessed, overly attracted, or perhaps it becomes
an ongoing idealization that structures your motivations or
mood.
Then follow the 3 steps of the process:
3 - Face It
Observe the disturbance very closely, and then, using a journal to write
in or an empty chair to talk to, describe the person, situation, image, or
sensation in vivid detail using 3rd-person pronouns such as "he," "him,"
"she," "her," "they," "their," "it," "its," etc. This is your opportunity to
explore your experience of the disturbance fully, particularly what it is
that bothers you about it. Don't minimize the disturbance-take the
opportunity to describe it as fully and in as much detail as possible.
2 - Talk to It
Enter into a simulated dialogue with this object of awareness using
2nd-person pronouns ("you" and "yours"). This is your opportunity to
enter into a relationship with the disturbance, so talk directly to the
person, situation, image, or sensation in your awareness. You may
start by asking questions such as, "Who/what are you? Where do you
come from? What do you want from me? What do you need to tell me?
What gift are you bringing me?" Then allow the disturbance to respond
back to you. Imagine realistically what they would say and actually
write it down or vocalize it. Allow yourself to be surprised by what
emerges in the dialogue.
1 - Be It
Now, writing or speaking in 1st person, using the pronouns "I," "me,"
and "mine," be the person, situation, image, or sensation that you have
been exploring. See the world, including yourself, entirely from the
perspective of that disturbance and allow yourself to discover not only
your similarities, but how you really are one and the same. Finally,
make a statement of identification: "I am ______" or "______ is me."
This, by its nature, will almost always feel very discordant or "wrong."
(After all, it's exactly what your psyche has been busy denying!) But try
it on for size, since it contains at least a kernel of truth.
This last step (the 1 of the 3-2-1) often has a second part, in which
you complete the process of fully re-owning the shadow. Don't just see
the world from that perspective momentarily, but actually feel this
previously excluded feeling or drive until it resonates clearly as your
own. Then you can engage it and integrate it.
To complete the process, let the previously excluded reality register
not just abstractly but on multiple levels of your being. This engenders
a shift in awareness, emotion, and subtle energy that frees up the
energy and attention that was taken up by your denial. You'll know that
the process has worked because you'll actually feel lighter, freer, more
peaceful and open, and sometimes even high or giddy. It makes a new
kind of participation in life possible.

Sample 1: Phil Visits His Childhood Friend
3 - FACE IT
I'm dreading going to visit my childhood best friend. The last time I
visited, the whole scene with him and his wife and family really got on my
nerves. He's such a wimp! His wife runs his life! He's got a super safe,
secure, and dead-end job. He's not drinking from the cup of life and letting
the juice run down his neck; he's never feeling the wind through his hair! If
he'd just walk on the wild side once in a while, he'd be twice as alive. He's
betraying himself. It makes me sick. It drives me nuts to be around him.
2 - TALK TO IT
Phil: Why do you let your wife make all the decisions?
Joe: I don't. But I respect her perspective.
Phil: Why are you satisfied with your grade B, dead-end job?
Joe: Hey, it's good honest work, and I enjoy it.
Phil: Why don't you consult or form your own company?
Joe: I prefer what I've got. It's more secure and takes less work. What's
wrong with that?
Back and forth, Phil continues exploring-and what comes out is that Joe
wants to be safe and secure and not have dramas in his life, whereas Phil
believes in risk-taking and pushing the envelope and going for the max.
1 - BE IT
Phil becomes Joe. Phil says, "I want safety and security and a smooth,
predictable life."
Re-owning the Shadow
Phil realizes he's disowned his own needs for safety and security so much that
he's easily triggered by Joe's qualities. He, like everyone, has needs for both
sides: thrills, aliveness, risk, passion, intrigue, bigger rewards on one side, and
safety, security, predictability, comfort on the other. Having disowned one
side, he can become more whole and make conscious choices that take the
whole spectrum of values into account.
This usually takes the form of both an insight and an energetic shift. Phil
may go on to more deeply understand and reintegrate his need for safety and
security and thus feel freer to make new choices in his life. He may feel a new
kind of compassion and empathy for Joe. He may realize, for example, that
his idealization of the swashbuckling father he lost when he was just 12 has
cast a shadow over other important parts of his inner world. And he may even
have new ways of coping with his life challenges; for example, he might
realize that he can gratefully enjoy Joe and his family for a day and a half, and
that he wants to stay in a hotel for the rest of his stay, so as to avoid an
overdose. It might include all of these possibilities, and it might be nothing
more specific than a relaxation of his previously triggered reactivity.
Sample 2: Kathy Gives Her Power to Bill
3 - FACE IT
I first met Bill through an online dating service where I specified that I was
looking for a very intelligent man. I felt an instant pull toward Bill after
reading his bio: professor at the University of Chicago with two PhDs, one in
theoretical physics and the other in philosophy!
During our first couple dates, I hung on Bill's every word-totally
enamored of his range of knowledge and insight. The more he talked about
black holes and M-Theory, Kant and Kierkegaard, the more attracted I felt to
him.
I've been seeing Bill for about three months now and am beginning to
notice something that really bothers me. I lose my voice when I'm around
him. He knows so much about so much that I don't know what I can
contri bute to the conversation. He's already so smart there's just not much he
could learn from me.
I still love spending time with Bill because he's such a brilliant guy, but I'm
not sure if he feels satisfied with our conversations.
2 - TALK TO IT
Kathy: Do you enjoy spending time with me?
Bill: Of course I enjoy spending time with you. That's why I've wanted to
see you so much over the past few months.
Kathy: But don't our conversations bore you? You don't learn anything
new from me.
Bill: On the contrary Kathy, I see you as one sharp lady. You've learned
more than you think from starting your own business and building it from the
ground up. It takes more than luck to run a company as successful as yours.
I've certainly never done anything like that, and I learn a lot from listening to
you talk about it.
Kathy: But don't you notice how timid and agreeable I am around you?
Bill: Just because I've spent over half my life in school, doesn't mean I'm
right about everything! I invite you to challenge me, disagree with me, and
speak your mind. I greatly value independent thinkers and unique
perspectives and would love to hear more of your views-especially if they're
different from my own!
1 - BE IT
Kathy becomes Bill. Kathy says, "I am intelligent. I have valuable
perspectives to contri bute."
Re-owning the Shadow
Somewhere in her past, Kathy learned that displaying her intelligence around
men was not okay. So she disowned and hid her own intellectual capacity. In
this case, Kathy's shadow was a positive quality: intelligence. She projected
her intelligence onto Bill. Kathy felt such a strong initial attraction to Bill
because she was "shadow hugging." Her infatuation was not just with Bill,
but also with her disowned intelligence. Through the 3-2-1 process, Kathy
reclaimed her own intelligence.
This occasioned a re-assessment of her whole self-image, a process she
pursued by journaling actively for the next several days. As she came to terms
with this insight, she felt more grounded and less prone to give away her
power to others. After taking a short break from Bill, she decided to continue
the relationship. But she no longer found herself idealizing Bill's intelligence
as if she needed it to fill a void in herself. She felt much more self-respect.
And on that basis, she could see his egotism and foibles, and appreciate him
as a peer, a multidimensional human being.
Sample 3: Tony Meditates with a Monster
Shortly after his divorce, Tony begins to have horrible nightmares that recur
many times each week. Every nightmare features the same grotesque monster
with sharp teeth and cold, slimy skin who relentlessly stalks him through
various dreamscapes. The vicious monster hates Tony and wants to kill him.
Right when the monster is about to ensnare him, Tony wakes up sweating in
the darkness, terror pulsing through his body.
Tony, a long time meditator, takes the issue to his meditation teacher, who
advises him to meditate on the fear associated with the monster. Over the next
several months, Tony follows his teacher's instruction, witnessing the fear,
feeling into the fear, relaxing into the fear, so that it may uncoil and "selfliberate." The idea is that when Tony allows his mind to relax completely and
"just be," the coiled up, contracted energy in his emotions can be released and
thus liberated to be used more freely.
After four months of diligent practice, the nightmares remain the same and
in some instances they intensify. For Tony, the monster is still scary as hell
and still intent on killing him.
Tony decides to practice the 3-2-1 process in addition to his regular
meditation. Here's an excerpt from one of his 3-2-1 process sessions:
3 - FACE IT
It's almost as though I'm inside a computer. Flashing lights and techno
contraptions surround me. It feels like a harsh, foreign, and unnatural
environment. I sense something is pursuing me, stalking me as if I were
helpless prey. Glancing over my shoulder I catch a glimpse of a tall menacing
figure, shrouded in darkness. I know this monster hates me and wants to kill
me. Fear grips every muscle in my body. I awkwardly try to escape and
stumble through this alien world. Yet despite all my efforts, the killer gains
ground ... closer ... closer until it's almost on top of me. I scrunch my eyes
shut as the fear completely paralyzes me.
2 - TALK TO IT
Tony: Why are you chasing me?
Monster: Because I hate you and want to kill you.
Tony: Why do you hate me and want to kill me?
Monster: Because I'm so damn angry with you.
Tony: Why are you angry with me?
Monster: Because you're hateful and contemptible and deserve to die!
Tony: How does that feel?
Monster: Like a roaring furnace of rage!
Tony and the monster continue to explore the monster's feelings and
experience.
1 - BE IT
Tony becomes the monster. Tony says, "I'm freaking angry!" "I'm seething
with rage and fury and I want to kill!"
Re-owning the Shadow
Through practicing the 3-2-1 process, Tony realized that a fierce anger lurked
behind his fear. After his divorce, he had dissociated his anger into a split-off
shadow element, which showed up in his nightmare as an angry monster.
Only by re-owning his anger could Tony reclaim his shadow repression and
free up the power of a more integrated self.
He realized he'd been subtly depressed for several years. Tony had felt
depleted, since he had been continually depriving himself of the raw energy
of the primary emotion he'd so totally denied. He started exercising more
vigorously at the gym, especially enjoying a kick boxing class there. He also
found a good therapist with whom he worked to recapture and channel the
raw energy of his being.
Meditation alone couldn't do it. Tony did an exemplary job of witnessing
his fear during his daily sittings. But the fear itself was an inau thentic
emotion, a symptom of the primary emotion, anger. Tony could have
witnessed his fear for twenty years (as many people do) and the primary
repression-anger-would still be in place. Without owning this au thentic
emotion, Tony's anger would be projected to create monsters all around him,
which would bring up fear in him (which is really fear of his own anger, not
fear of the monsters), and while he would get in touch with that fear and think
he was transmuting that fear-he would never contact or liberate the primary
and au thentic emotion, anger, the root cause of his nightmares and terror.
Failing to work with the actual mechanism of dissociation (1 to 2 to 3) and
therapeutic ownership (3 to 2 to 1), meditation becomes a way to get in touch
with your infinite Self, while reinforcing the inau thenticity in your everyday
finite self, which has broken itself into fragments and projected some of them
onto others. Here the disowned fragments hide, even from the sun of
contemplation-shadow-mold in the basement that will sabotage every move
you make from here to eternity.

Figure 4.1
Secondary, inau thentic emotions and drives translated to their primary, au thentic forms.

Often, you can translate a 3rd-person shadow symptom back into its original 1st-person
form. Use the chart above as a handy reference guide. These are some of the more
common examples of how shadow translates into symptom (and vice versa). As you
continue to practice with the 3-2-1 Shadow Process, you'll gain more insight into your
own individual shadow dynamics.


1-MINUTE MODULE
The 3-2-1 Shadow Process
You can do the 3-2-1 process any time you need it. Two particularly
useful times are right when you wake up in the morning and just before
going to bed at night. Once you know 3-2-1, it only takes a minute to
do the process for anything that might be disturbing you.
Morning: First thing in the morning (before getting out of bed)
review your last dream and identify any person or object with an
emotional charge. Face that person or object by holding it in mind.
Then talk to that person or object (or resonate with it, just feeling what
it would be like to be face to face.) Finally, be that person or object by
taking its perspective. For the sake of this exercise, there is no need to
write anything out-you can go through the whole process right in your
own mind.
Evening: Last thing before going to bed, choose a person who
either disturbed or attracted you during the day. In your mind, face him
or her, talk to him or her, and then be him or her (as described above).
Again, you can do the 3-2-1 process quietly by yourself, any time
you need it, day or night.

More Advanced Forms of Shadow Work
Lighter Shades of Shadow
Several distinct types of shadow exist. For most of this chapter we've focused
on one of the main types-the repressed unconscious shadow, the drives,
feelings, and needs that were so threatening to our consciousness that we've
repressed our awareness of them. This shadow material is the source of
projections-both negative and positive. The work of shining light on it never
ends.
Another kind of shadow is also worth mentioning. It's the shadow of our
emergent capacities that we have not yet owned and inhabited. This is the
shadow cast by higher parts of ourselves that want to come down and be lived
by us. Often, our conditioned identity doesn't allow for aspects of our deep,
unique calling and capacity. We keep these out of awareness, in shadow.
Certain kinds of growth can't take place until this repression is relaxed, letting
us know ourselves and show up fully as utterly unique individuals.
Put another way, sometimes our highest intelligence, intuition, and
capacities don't fit our images of ourselves. In this type of situation, we
function in ways consistent with old, fixed identities, unable to responsibly
integrate and incarnate our highest potentials and awareness. We're stuck
being a lower self than we're really supposed to be. It's important to
recognize that sometimes the shadow can hold not just "low" or primitive
aspects of the psyche, but also some of the "highest" evolved aspects. Be
aware of this possibility. And when you recognize it operating in you, find the
clarity and courage to choose to live your highest capacities. In the afterword,
"The Unique Self," we will discuss this process of opening up to our own
special dynamism and purpose. Both of these kinds of "golden shadows"
represent a golden opportunity for growth.
For example, some people may have a high capacity for leadership, but
they dislike that aspect of themselves that wants to be "in charge." It's too
aggressive, masculine, self-assertive-and besides, who are they to tell other
people what to do? Because they associate leadership with perceived negative
qualities of control and domination, they've created a golden shadow in
themselves. They may admire the leadership capacity in others, while
resenting their own greater power. By exploring a 3-2-1 process, they might
come to see their own desire to be a leader-which might also be the cutting
edge of their own practice and growth: a "golden shadow," which, if reowned, could be transformed into a gift of visionary light.
The Strange Logic of the Psyche
In doing shadow work, it's important to account for the sometimes strange
logic of the psyche. The deep psyche often responds to the opposite image of
our shadow parts in much the same way that it responds to the shadow parts
themselves. We can become activated, agitated, frozen, disoriented, or
withdrawn not just in response to the presence of the parts of ourselves we
have denied, our shadow, but also in the presence of their mirror image, or
emotional opposites.
In our first example above, Phil had disowned his needs for safety, and so
his relatively timid childhood friend, Joe, triggered this shadow element in
him. These same disowned needs might have been triggered again, albeit
differently, if Phil was confronted by someone quite the opposite of Joe, say a
different friend, Raul, an extreme daredevil. He might feel that his own
courage, wildness, and intensity were dwarfed in comparison. If he then did a
3-2-1 process on Raul, this wild person, he might have ended by saying "Life
is about intensity and aliveness or it is nothing; I care nothing for safety or
security." And this would have touched an important psychological truth. But
the inverse-the denial of safety needs at which Phil arrived in our original
example-might have been even more deeply revealing.
Thus, at the completion of the 3-2-1 process, as you "try on" whatever
originally triggered you, let your intuition notice whatever disowned parts of
the self you can most deeply recognize. Sometimes they may show up in what
seem to be the opposite of the feeling with which you began.
Transmuting Your Au thentic Primary Emotions
Shadow work is important, but it's often just the first step in clarifying our
emotional lives. Once you've done your shadow work, and you're no longer
lost in secondary, inau thentic emotions, you have an opportunity to creatively
reclaim and use the energy of that primary au thentic emotion. (Technically
speaking, this is not true "shadow work," but it is very often the next
appropriate step in practicing with emotions.)
The raw energy of your au thentic, primary emotion is an expression of the
primordial energy of your being. All of it is essential and necessary to your
wholeness. If your emotions are apparently "negative" ones, such as anger,
fear, or grief, it may seem that they are only sabotaging your effectiveness or
poisoning your mind and heart. It is common to think that such emotions need
to be eliminated. However, this is not a realistic option. The effort to "get rid"
of negative emotions only tends to drive them into the shadow. That was the
problem in the first place! A more fruitful approach is to transmute these
emotions into their pure and essential energy for expression and release.
This simple five-step approach conveys the essence of the traditional
spiritual practice of transmuting negative emotions:
1. Notice what you are feeling and how this shows up in your body, both
physically and energetically.
2. Relax the tendency to judge, suppress, or otherwise react to it, and just
allow it to be what it is, embracing it with awareness.
3. If your emotion is about someone or something, relax your relationship
to the object. Let the emotional energy be there. Notice that it is arising
within you (rather than happening to you, as in "she makes me feel this
way.") Relax into full responsibility for your emotional patterns and
energies.
4. Feel the energy of your emotion and the situation or relationship in
which it is arising. Brea the and allow the energy of the emotion to flow.
Notice how that can take place constructively rather than destructively.
Take several breaths and notice how the emotion changes as it is
channeled and circulated.
5. Pay attention until you recognize the transitory nature of the emotion and
allow its raw energy to self-liberate, like water boiling into steam, as a
free, unobstructed, and positive expression.

The essence of this process is the acceptance and allowance of the
emotion, which relaxes the tension and resistance surrounding it. Then you let
the emotion show itself to you. You let it reveal the liberated, unobstructed, or
awakened expression of its raw energies.
Consider, for example, the transmutation of anger. There is great energy
behind anger. If it is liberated into its pure, au thentic essence, what does it
become? Often it reveals itself as the energy and commitment to discriminate
and penetrate, to cut through confusion into clarity. Sometimes it is the energy
and will to change what needs to be changed. Emotional energy such as anger
need not disappear; in fact, it can be a valuable resource in service of
compassion and freedom.
Ongoing Emotional Transmutation
Emotions are deeply habitual. After you have transmuted an emotion, you
will sometimes find yourself falling back into the same old pattern. The newly
revealed emotional energies need to find new ways to organize themselves.
To transmute emotions successfully over time requires persistent practice.
They will self-liberate, apparently completely, only to arise again at a later
time, so that you'll have to work with them again. Lasting results require
patience and persistence. With practice, over time, you may notice how
quickly and powerfully your emotions respond to negative experiences, and
you may be amazed to discover that, with conscious practice, even such
visceral emotions will naturally self-liberate. As your practice becomes more
natural, you'll have more energy, insight, and skill in working with
challenging emotions and energies in your life.
How the transmutation of emotions fits together with shadow work:
In the shadow work process, what was "it" or "you" is realized to be a
disowned part of the "I."
In the process of transmuting emotions, these dimensions of the "I" are
witnessed by the "I AM."
In the process they are released and no longer identified with. Instead of
your emotions having you, you have them. Instead of shaping the "I"
they become "mine."
In other words, inau thentic secondary emotion transforms into au thentic
primary emotion, which transmutes into awakened transcendental energy.
Since words cannot precisely capture the fluidity of emotions, no
categorical generalizations can be fully accurate. Nonetheless, the
correspondences shown in figure 4.2 might be useful.
Shadow Work with Transmuting Emotions
One of Sigmund Freud's famous summations of the psycho therapeutic
process was, "Where It was, there I shall become." Likewise, for shadow
work and transmuting emotions:
What was "it"
becomes "I."
What was "I"
becomes "mine"
and is witnessed by I AM.
Thus, its energy is reclaimed and liberated.

Evolving Your Relationship with Your Emotions
The process of transmuting emotions, together with shadow work, offers the
opportunity for extra spaciousness in relationship to your emotional life. This
spaciousness makes it possible to relax and experience your feelings directly.
You can be curious and investigate them. You can trust that the process will
be liberating, rather than just painful. Valuing the raw energy of your
emotions, you can work with them, knowing they will eventually open from
their contracted expressions into their au thentic, free, and awakened
expression. You can be confident that when this happens you will be
empowered. The tremendous energy they contain will become usable as
additional vitality, awareness, and growth.
The 3-2-1 Shadow Process and Transmuting Emotions are inherently
powerful and valuable practices. The benefits that follow from practicing
them can change the whole climate of your inner experience, dramatically
speeding up your growth and enriching your life. Most people are very afraid
to experience some of their own feelings. This fear holds them back from
being fully present in life.

Figure 4.2
Au thentic emotion translated to liberated energy of emotion.

This can change when you become confident that "scary" feelings conceal
an opportunity to become more alive and powerful. Successfully doing this
work not only frees the energy that was previously bound up in shadow
emotions, but it also provides a realistic basis for a rich, compassionate
relationship with your own emotional life.
The fruits of these emotional practices can be seen in many forms:

The willingness to allow and experience more of life directly, including
what were formerly difficult feelings
More aliveness and empowerment where you were formerly numb and
afraid
The ability to be fully present in emotionally charged situations
Sincere openness and relaxed curiosity about shadow emotions
An inner atmosphere of self-acceptance and self-compassion
A lessening of the tendency to become emotionally hijacked, and thus
the ability to see life more clearly

Integrating Light and Dark, Spirit and Shadow
We can now begin to draw some conclusions regarding the shadow, as well as
make a couple of crucial connections between shadow work and other aspects
of ILP-specifically, spiritual practice and meditation.
Face the Shadow, or It Will Find a Way to Trip You
Up
Spiritual teachers have taught us many beautiful lessons. Hidden among them
is a darker, inadvertent lesson: Even spending many hours in high meditative
states won't necessarily turn the shadow into light. The reputations of many
otherwise wonderful spiritual figures have been marred by scandals,
involving sex, power, and money, engendered (sometimes subtly and
paradoxically) by their unconscious shadow impulses.
You Can't See What You Can't See
If I meditate, and meditate very deeply, what can happen? I can watch my fear
and sadness arise as objects in my awareness. I can relax my "identification"
with them. I can even discover the timeless present in which fear and sadness
don't really matter. But unless I do shadow work in addition to meditating,
I probably won't truly face my shadow. This has become obvious after
three decades of diligent sitting by Western students of Eastern paths. There is
a big difference between advanced meditators who have meditated but
neglected shadow work and those who've practiced both.
Working with the shadow, as in the 3-2-1 process, brings the relative self
back into wholeness; it does not touch the infinite Self or Witness-which is
untouched either way. Meditation helps us realize the Big Self, but it does not
directly deal with the problems of the finite self. An Integral Life Practice
does both: it heals the finite self by uniting it with its shadow, and discovers
the infinite Self that has no self and no shadow, since it is unmanifest
emptiness in all conditions.
Shadow Work Includes a Vast, Rich Territory
Aspects of shadow work pervade ILP.
Growth inherently requires us to tolerate discomfort. To see a more
conscious choice, we must become aware of the unconsciousness of our
previous habit or tendency. This involves at least a moment of unflattering
self-awareness, which usually feels uncomfortable.
Immature people reflexively and persistently defend themselves against
unflattering self-awareness. Practitioners develop a different response-that
of relaxed curiosity and interest. New awareness of unconscious and
unproductive patterns and tendencies is actually very good news. It means
that new choices are possible-choices that can produce better results in our
lives.
This core capacity-to face our limitations and learn from them, rather than
responding with defensiveness and denial-is essential to every module of
Integral Life Practice.
Shadow Work Is Forever
Shadow work is both necessary and never-ending. No matter how aware you
become, there is no final perfecting of the psyche. In every new moment, the
psyche can, yet again, slyly and invisibly, play hide-and-seek with itself.
Thus, there's no end to the work of shining light into shadow.
But don't wait to become shadow-free. You can always go beyond yourself
-right now, despite your shadows. It would be a mistake to get selfindulgently caught up in an endless "hall of mirrors" where all you see are
warped reflections of the ego.
Still, doing the work matters. People who are working sincerely to re-own
their projections become mature, self-responsible, and trustworthy. This is
why shadow work is a core module. Psycho therapy sessions may end. But
shadow work never ends. We become clearer and clearer-more capable of
shining with the light of awareness-as our shadow work becomes more
subtle and profound. But wherever there is a light, there is a shadow-and we
want to integrate both.


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