had dream about a guy getting shot or something and then it was one of those run away dreams. there was also perhaps a labyrinth at some point. and he was on a bike. i got away at least once but then I was going after him as if it was to prod him to me like oh im right here. then id run away. id go to dark places to hide too, into the ocean, underground.
Sad dreamds were as amazing as Id hope but I also didnt put much effort once I hit the bed and was mostly content to let my mind wander as it wished. I think it was thinking about if I had a daughter and training her in martial arts. And there is meaning to all but still I seem not in control for sure.
4:55; ESSO CARD = $56
a small battle occurs whether I know it or not at every moment. but yet again I think I am off to esso and to lose this one. Though I should definitely read Savitri first.
6:18; went to esso, got 3 packs, 2 reece cups and a 1L coke.
its been a long while since i did an extensive night time walk, which reminds me of vancouver.
another thought I had was of how my dreams of last night were chasey and scary and exciting while the day before were.. cant recall but they both seemed to potentially have strong effects on my immediate waking state. yesterday was like kind of a waking dream of sorts.
6:33 - masturbated, its like I am in daily cycles of sin and virtue of sorts
6:39 - just about to have my coffee, already thinking of smoking weed... the most potent solution I know of is prayer but I dont implement it. Which is worth of much analysis
6:47 - masturbation is definitely a waste, most especially, when it is done early in the day. it depletes a large portion of energy at the wrong time. So it would be a fair rule to never do it during the day.
Oof, its a hard start today.. I am going to read some Savitri. At least finish the canto.
7:05 - about half way through my coffee, but ughh its such a struggle to read Savitri today. I did my 2 pages but.. its such a grind from this low state. The thought just came to me to try to solve this in "Savitri (dialogues)" So i will try that.
8:25 - smoked a smallish bowl of weed, had smoke and took small poop. Though I do feel a bit higher and so I will try to read Savitri once more.
8:35 - finished 2-2, it was only a few pages more but its for the good ill do a slight commentary now in SROL
957 - had medium bowl and smoke. feel a bit wirey and a bit tired. how can that be so? regardless hope to continue reading. so far ive gone from 110-120. which is level 3 of 13 rating. a more proper minimum, though 4 is the real decent minimum as it is the requirements to reading Savitri once a month. which is admirable. as a year with 12 Savitri readings is 24 points. and well a fucking acceptable minimum for sure. it is also a constant reminder, a constant contact, an imperfect form of practice but no doubt a decent one amongst this struggling Ignorance.
10:57 - I had finished 2-3; then added to SROL. then spent some time on facebook. now I am 110-132 (22). better. I really wouldnt mind 72 (Level 6) per day though. as reading Savitri every 10 days will accumulate massive experience quickly I imagine. not necessarily in 10 days itself per say but over the course of a few months is likely of inconceivable positive influence; as say in 3 months of that I would move from 4 reads to 13. and such a number would likely have gifted more profound experiences then yet experienced, the joy of reading then would likely increase a few fold. perhaps then I can settle permanently in "always" and abandon lesser movements.
11:53 - (on page 142), just started making some "Mungbeans and Mushrooms", I am going to try to panfry the sauce. Not sure how I am going to do the mushrooms, I might just crush them into the sauce and then throw them in. did a 4-10 mung-water ratio, see if that works. I am excited for this one though. make sure I have like a potent copious quantity of curry reduc.
- another note, I was reading Savitri at a fairly fast rate which is super fun. during such times there is no doubt about the return of energy or perhaps the Force. how lovely how lovely.
2:09pm - made and had the mung-mush. it was good but the redux was wayy more delicious before it was added and dulluted. also had smoke. I purposely aimed to not eat too much which would impede my studies of which I will now try to continue.
2:53pm - not sure what ive been doing, perhaps tinkering with W(); regardless getting tiredish and considering either coffee or more weed. also some new episodes are out, but thats like 40-60 minutes of time. perhaps a fun break.
6:07pm - just finished catching up on my episode 7 of the 3 shows im following. Deca-dence definitely my favorite. Demon King too is good though its still like 0 risk but so muchhh magic. But I love that archetype from Deca-dence, reminds me of Fehrenheit 451. The young girl who loves life and fights for the good that changes the world shunning hardened man. Its so beautiful.
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