(Regarding the message Mother has given to Satprem for his birthday.)
“Here are the Light and the Divine Love which are always with you on the path, every outcome of which is only the starting point for a new stage.”
It’s precisely the experience I’ve had these last few days (yesterday, I think), just before writing the card. We always set an end to things—but there isn’t any. There isn’t any. The truth is, one rises like this (Mother draws a curve that reaches a point in space), but it’s in order to go like this (gesture of a new curve rising higher from that point on), and again like this—for ever and ever.
It may be an individual consciousness, not necessarily an impersonal one; for the individual consciousness, too, it’s like this: a great curve (Mother draws a trajectory up to a point), and like a springboard to go farther. So it was a vision like that, of something developing—developing while it expands and grows illumined.
We might say, the Consciousness growing more and more conscious of itself. That was the impression.
And everything is a means for it to grow conscious of itself.
That explains everything, besides. That’s what explains everything.
The means for the Consciousness to become conscious of itself.
(silence)
And this work of growing awareness (self-awareness) in the body is really very interesting. Very interesting.
What would you like to ask me for your birthday?
You don’t have anything to ask?
I’d like to do better.
(meditation)
***
Then Mother writes the message she intends to give for 1969:
“No words—acts.”
It seems you already gave this message for 1950?
One repeats oneself!
Things repeat themselves, yes…. Nineteen years!
We haven’t made progress.
Yes, we have! I feel we’ve come a long way.
(Mother nods without saying anything)
Last time you asked me, “Where do I stand?” So when I wrote your card, I remembered your question. I thought I should write something for you about that. Then I evoked Sri Aurobindo in his portrait.1 I wrote, “Here is the Light and the Divine Love which always accompany you…
“Which are always with you on the path…”
And there I asked, “Well, where do we stand?” (for you). And he answered…
“…every outcome of which is only the starting point for a new stage.”
He made me have the experience these last few days. It was the answer to your question.
It goes on indefinitely (Mother draws an immense road), so “Where do I stand?” (same immense gesture)—there’s as much of the path behind as there is ahead! (Mother laughs)
But are things moving?
Of course they are! They keep moving all the time.
Yet one doesn’t clearly feel the consciousness developing….
Ah?
One feels the Light growing stronger, the Truth more living…. In a sense, there are no more questions; that’s for sure, there are no more questions. But… what? One feels the consciousness isn’t developing much.
(meditation)
If you don’t have anything to say…
I would like to serve you better.
Don’t you worry! It’s quite fine.
(silence)
I’ve lost the habit of speaking, for me it’s very difficult.
(silence)
I have a very strong impression that “one” wants us to learn something. Very strong. And I don’t know what it is.
It’s… something like the secret of the functioning.
There’s a constant demonstration, through all kinds of little facts, that the process we conceive of, or understand, or have accepted, is false, not in conformity with reality, and one wants to make us find, discover—but discover WHILE LIVING IT—the true process of the Manifestation: the why and the how. The why: there’s an impression like that. The how… (Mother shakes her head as if the thing were eluding her).
So there. And that’s the state of consciousness I am in all the time. I am there as if pushing and pushing… (groping gesture, then the thing escapes).
(silence)
I clearly feel it’s only an identification… [that can give the key]. Yes, like a conscious identification, that is, with the consciousness remaining fully awake.
There.
We’ll see next year where we stand!
Mon petit…
Have a good year, mon petit.
There is a photo of Sri Aurobindo along with the birthday card. ↩
***
October 26, 1968
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