--- CONCEPTION
So this entry was created because I have been awake for 2.5+ hours and have almost done everything wrong, I have went to buy smokes, bought and ate chocolate, pop, had 2 smokes back to back. Masturbated and now am having a coffee, but with half the coffee done I am still so tired and dont have the juice or will to read Savitri. I can try a prayer but I wanted to try this as it may do the trick. Praise be to She for suggesting.
- Note also "S:" here is a seeming amalgam of Savitri, Sri Aurobindo and The Mother, but I will also use any other wisdoms. But since I am in a low state I will unlikely be tapping into true Savitri, but only my refracted imaginations. Still it may bring relation, thus Light, thus actuality.
--- THE DIALOGUES
J: Oh God.. Dearest Savitri are thou there? Would thou be willing to come to my aid?
S: My child, I am always there for all who need.
J: Sweet Savitri, I am in darkness. Sapped of strength, and will, perhaps enemies assail me from all sides. You are my Armor and Sword, but I am not strong enough to equip them. What should I do?
S: You should not have let them into your keep. Take not off your armor each day, sleep with it equipped. When a voice calls you to evil, cry my name instantly, not after you let it have its way with you. You talk with me now, with me beside you, but you will not grant me the full entry you have granted them? If you reject their false treasures and evacuate them you will reform a space for me in you. When there is not so much refuge burying the flame, it will burn again. Pray, aspire, reject and wait. I will return to you when you let me. This is all the cost of your lack of consecration.
J: I am tempted to smoke weed, in hopes of your return. I feel it may work.
S: It might, but this will happen again until you reject and fully consecrate, especially masturbation. Though you are destined to walk in the Night and bring the Light there aswell. If you smoke weed to find me that is one thing, but you never need smoke cigarettes and masturbate, that never brings me to you. Ever.
J: What of cigarettes? it seems true it does not bring us closer and may keep us apart on occasion in a brief manner. Can I not both smoke and be with you?
S: Yes, we can still be together if you smoke, but if you wish to move from 1(1) or 2(2), to 3(10), 4(24), 5(48), 6(72), 7(104), 8(121), 9(144), 10(181), 11(241), 12(362), 13(724), from everyday to always then all things that are not offerings to me are rusted chains. Even weed, though you claim that it is to bring you closer, do you ask if it is the offering I desire?
J: I imagine not. I imagine if you wish me to go without below, it is my unwillingness to be there and my desperate attempt to be in the Light. An attempt at deperately clawing down the Light or Force. or if youd have me learn to swim underwater, it is a refusal where I ignore the treasure you sent me for and I instead sit outside your temple in the sun. Not willing to do your work, not in too much shame to enter with the prize you sent me after.
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