The farther I go, the more contradictions I discover in myself—sharp contradictions. They look like impossibilities.
No, not impossibilities—it probably means you have to go deeper or higher to their meeting ground. That’s how it works: the opposites get increasingly vehement until we find the point where they… where unity is established.
One must go deeper and deeper, or higher and higher—it’s one and the same thing. It’s the same thing.
(silence)
All our old ways of understanding things are WORTHLESS—worthless.
All, all our values are WORTHLESS.
We are on the threshold of something truly marvelous, but… we don’t know how to keep it—it comes like this (gesture imitating a passing bird)…. We just don’t know.
Never, never before have I had such a sense of ignorance, of impotence, of… of being a jumble of frightful contradictions, and I know, I KNOW—deep down, beyond speech—that it’s because I don’t know how to find the place where they… they harmonize and unite.
I can do absolutely nothing, I know absolutely nothing—in fact, I am nothing but a… false appearance, that’s all.
I don’t remember anything, I even forget what I have said before…. Everything is… (gesture of crumbling).
And strangely, almost at the same time, there’s torture and bliss—almost at the same time. There you are.
(Mother coughs silence)
Only, what’s odd is that human nature as it is constituted seems to understand torture more readily than bliss.
There’s a curious phenomenon: because books [by Mother] are published, I am put in contact with things I said before, and of course when I said them I was very convinced, but now… I tell myself: how could you say that!
Well.
There is “something”… (Mother opens her palms upward).
(long silence)
There is only one, one will left: may the Divine express Himself without deformation through this body. This is constant, constant, constant, constant….
Tell me, what is the mantra?
OM….
OM Namo Bhagavateh?
Bhagavateh, yes, Mother.
(Mother plunges in. The clock strikes an eternal hour)
***
January 20, 1973
questions, comments, suggestions/feedback, take-down requests, contribute, etc
contact me @ integralyogin@gmail.com or via the comments below
or join the integral discord server (chatrooms)
if the page you visited was empty, it may be noted and I will try to fill it out. cheers