Time sense is completely topsy-turvy—when I think five minutes have passed, it’s an hour, and when I think an hour has passed, it’s five minutes! It’s completely, completely…. And I am puzzled, I am truly puzzled as to what causes it. Another standard of time. And it doesn’t follow my conscious will: I’ll start eating, thinking, “I want to be finished in twenty minutes”—and it takes me an hour! On another occasion, I don’t think of time: I finish in twenty-five minutes. I don’t understand.
From an outward point of view, I am starting to look crazy!
!!!
At night (I have long nights, but I don’t sleep), I feel it’s over in one minute!… I go to bed saying to myself: ah, this will last a while—and it’s over in five minutes, it seems to me.
Another time, I want to go fast, and it takes… almost an hour. I don’t understand.
Do you still have activities at night?
Yes, but they are not “dreams,” you see. I mean… it’s not that kind of thing at all.
Sometimes I am identified with some people, and I thoroughly feel—I don’t feel it’s “another” person: I feel it’s myself. And sometimes it’s people I don’t know. There are all kinds of things.
The consciousness is VERY vast. It isn’t limited to one person or even a few persons: it is very vast.
(silence)
But I am perplexed by what’s happening with clock time…. I thought it was not quite nine o’clock, and I was told it was already ten. I have no idea how that happened.
I start my breakfast telling myself: Ah, I’ll eat fast, I am late—it takes me an hour!
But I don’t say anything because people are so stupid they would say I am going crazy. That’s not it… I simply live in another consciousness.
It’s probably necessary for your body to live in a kind of timelessness.
Oh, yes! I feel, I know—I know positively that my body is being accustomed to something else.
Because, certainly, the sense of time must bring wear and tear.
(silence)
So my one external resource—EXTERNALLY—is to say the mantra: OM Namo Bhagavateh (it’s an external part of myself that says it); but inside, I am like this (Mother opens her hands upward in total stillness). And now if I remain like that, hours may go by, and I won’t know it.
What’s the time?
Half past ten, Mother.
If you wake me (“wake me” is a way of speaking, of course!) at eleven, I’ll give you an example!
Yes, Mother!
Would you like to?
Yes, of course, Mother.
(Mother plunges in for forty minutes, Satprem slightly touches her hand to call her back)
Did you feel something?
I feel very comfortable.
(Mother laughs and takes Satprem’s hands)
Yes! The trouble is that everything else is rather unpleasant!
***
December 20, 1972
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