Constantly, but constantly, I have things I would like you to know, but I don’t have a chance to tell them. The ordinary memory is all gone, do you know, so if it comes, it comes; if it doesn’t come… it’s just lost.
Really… fantastic things.
(silence)
As if I were walking on a very thin and narrow line: on one side, imbecility, and on the other genius! That’s how I progress (gesture of standing on a ridge).
What does it depend on? I have no idea.
All the old methods are obsolete, but the new ones aren’t yet established. Although sometimes, they come all of a sudden: for a few minutes, there’s a dazzling flood of light… something marvelous, the feeling of a power over the entire world. And the next minute, all gone.
Night and day, like that.
Sometimes, for no apparent reason, I am in such a horrible discomfort, I feel it must lead to death, but then… something says, “Don’t mind,” as though Sri Aurobindo were watching over me — don’t mind, don’t mind…. So I… (Mother opens her hands). And after a little while: gone, it’s inexplicably gone.
(silence)
I can’t eat anymore—oh, it’s so difficult! So difficult. Eating is really the most difficult of all…. I am not really disgusted by food, nothing of the sort, but I just can’t put it in my mouth. I can still drink… for the moment.
There’s nothing there, nothing (pointing to her forehead), it’s empty, empty, thoroughly empty…. And when I remain like this….
(Mother goes into contemplation)
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