(Concerning the corrected sentence in the "Notes" of August 28](/agenda/12/august-28-1971#p12) about the power to bring about death.)
How was it worded?
“…For another WHO WANTS TO LEAVE, it’s the end, he goes over to the other side.”
It happened again yesterday, I saw the same thing. I was told about a child who was very ill, incurable, and they said he was in terrible pain, he was very miserable—the parents wanted him to pass away. He passed away an hour later. This morning I knew. I thought: Well, it’s like in the “Notes”—either the person himself wants to go, or those who are looking after him find he’s too miserable, and they ask; so instead of suffering for a long time, he leaves. That’s what I meant.
***
A little later
It’s really interesting, it’s as if my body were a battlefield between what obstinately wants to stay and what wants to take its place. There are such marvelous moments—glorious moments—and then, a second later, a minute later, such a violent attack! It’s like that. And my body is…. For food, for instance, there are times when I eat without even noticing I am eating, except that everything tastes delicious; and then a second later, I can’t swallow a thing! It’s like this (gesture of tugging from one side or the other). So the only solution I have is to be as QUIET as possible. As soon as I am quiet, it feels better. It’s as if…. All of a sudden you have the impression that you are about to die, and a minute later, it’s… it’s eternity. Really an extraordinary experience. Extraordinary. Sometimes everything, everything seems so foggy, dark—there’s no hope, no possibility of seeing clearly—and a minute later, everything becomes clear.
And at the moment, it’s like this (swinging gesture). It’s only because my body has faith that—that it can go on.
It’s quite interesting.
(long silence)
When you let the Power flow through without diminishing or distorting it or… it’s unbelievable! Unbelievably powerful. And a minute later, you feel that the world is so dark and distorted that it’s hopeless. Although perhaps there’s—perhaps—a small beginning of improvement in the proportion.
(Mother goes within long contemplation)
Did you feel anything? What did you feel?
I don’t know…. I was trying to give myself.
(Mother smiles and takes Satprem’s hands) It came very strongly, very strongly, like this (massive gesture falling from above). You were in it.
(silence)
It’s all right—it’s all right.
Yes (gesture of surrender, hands open), that’s the best thing to do.
Oh, it’s so strong!
***
November 10, 1971
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