(The conversation begins with a record delay of an hour and a half.)
It’s becoming a bit difficult….
What do you have to tell me?… Your last meeting with A.R.? He didn’t tell you anything?
He remains as he is. He said, “Id rather get killed on the spot than change my policy”! And in the same breath, he says, “I want to find, I want to find, and if I don’t find, it means the Divine doesn’t want me to.” So he wants to find, but doesn’t want to change….
I’ll tell you something…. The last time he came, I had him sit down and I thought, “We’ll see.” I started the meditation as usual, it was very good and he received—the same thing as before. It was exactly the same. Then I invoked (because it was the day of the pujas), I invoked the four Aspects of the Mother. They came. Two of them stood on one side of A.R., two of them on the other side. Then I waited. And after a while, I saw him lower his head, and… suddenly, he started coughing1 (which he had never done). Then I stopped. But I didn’t ask anything, I gave him a… consolation letter, and then this message I had given the other day:
“It is in the silence of complete identification with the Divine that true understanding is obtained.”
I gave him that without saying anything and let him go. I said “good-bye,” he shook my hand like this (!) and left.
Then, I’d asked F to give him the booklet The Mother, but when she came to his place, he was already in meditation with a number of people (they were all holding hands). So we don’t know at all what his reaction was. All that I know is that the day before he left, A.R. and Z made the trip together, and she asked him what the result of his stay here was, what he had learned. He replied, “Oh, it’s too early to know, I’ll know later.”
That process of holding hands in meditation is the process you use when you want to circulate vital forces…. I did that with a group in 1910. And as soon as I came here, all those things seemed to me to be… not the true Thing. And yet he is open and receives the Force VERY WELL. But as soon as there’s something else, it no longer works. So there.
But at the same time, he says, “I want to find”!
Yes, it’s like that.
And as soon as I wanted to touch his construction a little, it caused a dreadful drama!
Yes, that’s it. He wants to find, but he wants to find WITHIN his construction.
We’ll see. It will keep on working! (Mother laughs) We’ll see.
I hope it’ll be better next Wednesday!2
Which means something he could not "swallow." ↩
Mother means not so late as today. ↩
***
October 29, 1969
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