I am very much bothered. I have a sort of constant brain fatigue with headaches, aching eyes, and everything seems veiled.
Ah, mon petit, it’s those animals…. It was the same thing with me during that so-called illness: I was as if wrapped inside a cloak of gray cotton wool. And it hasn’t gone, it’s there, at a distance. It presses all around.
It’s troublesome.
Yes, Mother, it disrupts my work a lot. Doing an ordinary work tires me, but as soon as I want to write or do something creative, it immediately gets blocked, it becomes painful, my eyes ache and I can’t work anymore.
Do you eat well?
Oh, yes, very well…. And I’ve often noticed it increases during the night.
Yes.
Instead of resting at night, I feel it comes at that time.
Yes, it’s at night that it’s the strongest.
For me, at one time it was visible.
And still now, it’s something going like this (gesture of pressure around the head). So when I am in a certain inner state, I succeed in repulsing it, but if I am not—if for one minute, you understand, I am not on my guard… Which means it’s something permanent.
It’s something pressing.
Yes, here, like this (gesture around the head). And at times, it can annul everything, but everything: thought, memory, everything is annulled. And no later than this morning, it turned all inner movements (movements of the nerves, muscles, all that) into sounds—sounds and words—and with what malice! You could see a will to drive you insane. But it’s terrible! A terrible thing, I have never seen that. Naturally, all you have to do is to repel it, but it compels you to constant concentration.
At times it yields (that’s very recent, it began two or three days ago) and it goes away…. Once I asked, I said, “But why? Why is this permitted?” And it’s always the same thing: difficulties must result in an increase in the Power.
Now and then (from time to time—it’s beginning now), a glimmer of that Power, which, obviously, is awesome. But you know, it’s like dangling the thing before your eyes: “See, it’s like this,” like a promise.
I wanted to tell you something else. While you were supposedly ill, V. had a vision.
Oh?
One night, he saw a red light coming, a ruby light. And it started encircling your body, encircling and as if crushing it—impregnating, crushing it. And once you were quite full of that red substance, suddenly white sparks started coming out of your body, and that substance of red light began lightening: it grew pink, yellow, from one color to another, and then it went away. And whup! it formed again, came back to crush your body, and once more there were those sparks coming out of your body and driving the thing away….1
(after a silence)
Yes, it’s quite like that! (Mother laughs)
***
(Then Mother listens to Satprem’s reading of the previous conversation, in which she spoke of the “opacity” of Matter which prevents it from manifesting the Consciousness, and of the “transparent” but somewhat imprecise fluidity.)
Do you have any question?
Yes. An ordinary mind reading this may wonder, “But what’s the advantage of this imprecision?”
There’s no advantage!
It’s quite certain that when the Supramental manifests, it will replace the… (what can we call it?) restricting mental precision—a precision which limits, and therefore partly warps things—by a clarity of vision, another kind of precision that will not restrict. That’s what is being built.
Ultimately, we might say (this is not exactly the thing) that in order to make things precise, the mind limits and separates them; and there is evidently a precision that can come from a more accurate vision, without division or separation. That precision will be that of the supramental vision. Along with the precision, there will come the vision of the RELATIONSHIP between all things, without separating them.
But that’s something being prepared. It comes in a flash, for a minute, then things fall back into their old way.
We could say the same thing for the vital: the vital gives an intensity which nothing else seems capable of giving; well, that same intensity exists in the Supramental, but without division. It’s an intensity that doesn’t separate things.
I’ve had both experiences, but in a very short-lived manner. Those are things that are just now being worked out.
***
Soon afterwards
I’ve received questions from T.F.’s class. One of them I started answering…. They’re rather stupid, those questions (Mother hands papers to Satprem).
“How does one become conscious of the physical being?”
See that, the physical being! It’s senseless!
You answer:
“The near totality of humanity is conscious ONLY of the physical being. Through education, the number of people conscious of their vital and mind goes on increasing. As for the human beings conscious of their psychic being, their number is relatively minimal.”
They’re a bit… they’re very ignorant, these children.
If at least they asked, “How does one awaken the consciousness of the physical being?”
Oh yes, that has a meaning! We could tell them: If that’s what you mean, it’s precisely the goal of physical education. And teaching is an attempt to replace the Consciousness with… (laughing) an inner library!… If I joke too much, they won’t understand anymore!
We can tell them this: The way to really awaken the physical consciousness is physical education. It’s physical education that teaches the cells to be conscious. But to develop the brain, it’s study, observation, intelligent education—especially observation and reasoning. And naturally, for the whole education of the consciousness from the standpoint of character, it’s yoga.
Another question:
“Does the central will of the physical being have a particular center in the body?”
The psychic being?
The physical being.
Physical! It’s senseless!… It’s the brain, that’s all.
Here it’s more interesting:
“Can one have the experience of death without dying?”
Surely! You can have the experience in a yogic way, you can even have it materially if… (laughing) if death is brief enough not to give the doctors time to declare you dead!…
They won’t understand!
We can answer “Yes,” quite simply—so as to tell them, “Mind your own business!”
“After death, what is the part of the being that becomes aware that one is dead?”
Any part of the being that lives on becomes aware that the body is no longer there! It depends.
“How can one say with certainty that the physical body is dead?”
Only when it decomposes.
“You said, ‘Decomposition of the cells often starts before death….’ How to control or check the process of disintegration?”
(Mother laughs) By keeping good health! By taking care to preserve the physical equilibrium.
Enough!
***
Towards the end
Do you have headaches?
No, but as soon as I want to work, it gets veiled, as if something were cutting me off: I can’t catch the inspiration, it’s blocked. Then if I insist, I get headaches and aching eyes.
You’ve caught my disease!
It’s obviously something we must conquer, otherwise it wouldn’t be there.
(silence)
There is a state of being (a state of being or way of being) in which these… (what should we call them? It’s higher magic), these practices of higher magic have no effect. There is a state of consciousness in which they cannot act, it’s beyond their field of action.
For it to be active, that state of consciousness must be sufficiently material, that is to say, in the most material part of the psychic. It’s a field of consciousness that belongs to the psychic world. But it must be in the psychic TURNED TOWARDS MATTER. And not just a thought: it must be a spontaneous way of being.
It can be expressed in different ways…. It’s a terrestrial manifestation of divine Love in its form of… it has something to do with benevolence—it’s not “benevolence,” but a way of existing, feeling, seeing, acting, which is a sort of… (words are stupid), a “psychic benevolence,” which is an expression of divine Oneness (Mother shakes her head at the inadequacy of words). The mental transcription takes all the truth out of it.
It’s something I feel but cannot describe; something exceedingly powerful in the sense that even materially, quite materially (physically, materially), if someone comes to kill you, he can’t. He comes and approaches you, but then he can’t do it. There have been examples.
But I FEEL it. The origin of it is psychic, but it can concretize and create a certain kind of vibration. Well, if in one’s consciousness one lives in that, there’s absolutely no magic that can act. I feel it, because from time to time it comes, and at such times everything is clear. And it acts especially here (gesture around the head).
“Benevolence” (laughing) is the ridiculous human distortion of “that.” It’s a very, very peculiar vibration. What we might call “one of the ways of being of divine Love.” And it can become a very material vibration.
It must be to teach us to cultivate that!
Following that vision, V. heard an awesome voice, saying from behind that red light: "This time She will pull through, but I will come back in 1972 and that will be the last battle." Satprem deliberately did not repeat this baleful prophecy to Mother, so as not to concretize it. ↩
***
September 25, 1968
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