I got a letter in which he said he’d arrived and was being urgently summoned to the Vatican at 10 A M. the same day.
He didn’t say anything.
There’s been no letter since.
Yes, in other words he hasn’t told the result, he hasn’t said anything about it.
And as if by chance, Msgr. R. left for Spain the day P.L. arrived. He didn’t meet him.
I don’t believe in chance.
***
Later:
It’s a continuous experience, day and night, and so crowded, so intense that… it’s impossible to describe.
It’s as if I were making a discovery every minute.
(long silence)
Every minute a discovery. You know, an absolutely accelerated movement. And do you know what set it off? It’s the text you read me the other day, by Sri Aurobindo, in which he says that the fear of death in man was the memory of the animal. It seems to have opened a door wide.
It’s like a study—a really accelerated study, you can’t imagine, one minute after another, like this (snowballing gesture)—from the standpoint of the work, that is, the purpose of physical existence in a body, and the usefulness of physical presence. And the absolutely clear, precise vision, in minutes” detail, of what’s real and what’s illusory, what’s truly necessary and what’s only imagination (that of others, but also, at times, one’s own). But I would need hours to tell it all…. With (is it a basis?) the perception in the consciousness (but a detailed perception—I don’t mean ideas, it has nothing to do with ideas or principles, etc.: there’s no mental translation), the perception of what, in the work, demands or depends on the bodily presence (I am purposely not saying “physical presence,” because there’s a subtle physical presence that’s independent of the body), the bodily presence. And then, at the same time, such a clear, precise, detailed vision of the relationship each one has with this body (a relationship which is thought, feelings and physical reactions all at once), and that’s what gives the impression of the necessity of bodily presence—gives its measure also. So there is, at the same time, the perception of the TRUE usefulness of physical presence and the perception of the reaction in individuals…. It’s a world! A world, because of the fantastic amount of details. A world unfolding every second. And accompanied by an inner perception, first, of the effect it has on the cells, and then that the cohesion has now really become, I may say, the result of a supreme Will, to the extent that it’s necessary for… let’s say for the experience, or the work (anything—we can call it what we like). In other words, there is the aspect of progress of the cells as an aggregate. There is hardly—hardly, very weakly—the sense of a personality or a physical individuality, it’s hardly that; neither is it a habit of being together, because it’s very fluid in there: it’s truly held together by a higher Will with a definite aim in view, but that too is fluid—nothing is fixed.
(silence)
It’s a world of things I would have to say to be clear, but that’s not possible.
At any rate, the inner (or higher) organization of circumstances, feelings, sensations, reactions in the totality of… what thinks it is “individuals,” is certainly growing more precise towards a definite aim in its orientation, an aim we might define as “the progress of the content of consciousness,” that is to say, the broadening and enlightening of consciousnesses. But I am putting it the wrong way round (that is, I am putting it the way it’s understood); the truth is this: it’s the Consciousness doing a special work (gesture of kneading) on the instruments of its manifestation, so as to make them clearer, more precise, transparent and complete. When the Consciousness expresses itself, it does so in instruments who darken, muddle, mix up and diminish its power of expression to a tremendous degree; well, that’s the work: making them more limpid—more transparent and limpid—more direct, less muddled, and broader, ever broader… and at the same time more and more transparent: removing the obstructing fog—transparent, limpid, and also very vast.
It’s a movement of acceleration: it’s the great work of the whole creation to consciously return (“return” is another silly word—“turn to” would be better), to become again, to identify again, not by abolishing the whole work of development and ascent, but… It’s like a multiplication of the facets of Consciousness, and that multiplication is growing increasingly coherent, organized and conscious of itself.
Individualization is only a means to make the innumerable details of the Consciousness more complex, more refined, more coherent. And “individualization”… we shouldn’t mistake it for physical life; physical life is ONE of the various means of that individualization, with such fragmenting and such limitation that it compels a concentration that intensifies the details of the development; but once that is done, it [individualization] isn’t the lasting truth.
(Mother goes into a long contemplation)
What did you want to tell me?
You say that this individualization isn’t the “lasting truth”?
Individualization, in its feeling or perception or impression, in its sense of separate individuality, has no lasting truth. It continues to exist (how should I put it?) in all its power and all its knowledge, but with the sense of Oneness. Which is altogether different. And there is such a clear perception of what comes into the consciousnesses, into the individuals, what comes from the falsehood of separation; there always remains something, but sometimes it grows dim almost to the point of disappearing (that’s in exceptional cases or exceptional beings). But the sense of division must completely disappear. It’s…
To explain anything at all I would have to say too many things.
(contemplation)
I’ll say more another time.
Is it time?
Yes, Mother, it’s half past eleven.
Is there anything you wanted to ask?
I was thinking that when you are on the other side, supposedly dead, you still lose a means of action, don’t you?
Yes. Not so much as one thinks. Lately, for instance, I’ve been trying not to say anything, but to put a strong formation—it works very well. Instead of saying, “Bring me this” or “Do this for me,” you put a strong formation: it works very well. And the formation doesn’t at all depend on the body—not at all. The consciousness doesn’t need the body to make the formation.
Yes, but to be transformed, matter needs the bodily presence.
That’s right, it boils down to that.
Sri Aurobindo can’t do that.
Sri Aurobindo is working ALL THE TIME.
Yes, but that he can’t do—that transformation of matter.
Ah, no, that he cannot do. It’s dissolved, of course.
That’s what we might call the individual work. Only, to what extent can this transformation be integral? That’s the question…. I’ve said it’s a much accelerated work, obviously, but in spite of that, you feel the amount of experiences necessary for the transformation is so tremendous that… the limits of a lifetime are too short. But then… I’ve already told you several times that this aggregate has… not an impression, but a very clear perception that a certain disequilibrium or disorder (which may apparently be very slight, a mere nothing) is enough to cause dissolution. It feels that the slightest thing is enough, and that only the higher Will to keep it together is preventing things from reaching that stage. Like that. It depends on That…. I lived the first thirty years of my life (nearly thirty, twenty-five to thirty) with the sensation that NOTHING could bring about dissolution; that if disorder came, order would quite naturally be restored to allow the body to go on. Very strong, it was very strong. Then there was a period when there was nothing, neither on one side nor on the other; and then, slowly, slowly, there has now come the perception that the LEAST thing is enough, and that it’s only the SUPREME Will (not even higher: the supreme Will) that is preventing dissolution. It exclusively depends on That.
And as you say, this presence is maintained to the extent it’s useful and indispensable for a certain aspect of the work. And in that case, there’s no question of a long or short time, of when, how, what and all that—“It’s as You will.” Constantly, in every cell, every activity, every moment: “What You will, Lord.” All the time. Like that. No question. Only, there is an observation, a very clear perception of the fact that this supreme Will is what enables things to carry on as they do.
So the conclusion is easy to draw: as long as He wills it, it will be like that; when He wills it otherwise, it will be otherwise. And that’s all. At the same time, of course, the lesson is given: an increasingly clear perception that the field of the indispensable isn’t as large as we imagine…. For me, Sri Aurobindo’s presence is EXTREMELY effective—active.
But for this body it’s interesting: it’s in the smallest little details, you know, that the body is shown the extent to which the presence has a real effect, thus making it necessary, and the extent to which it isn’t necessary. It’s growing increasingly precise in the smallest details.
The cells have no personal choice; their attitude is really like this: “What You will, what You will…” for everything, everything. With only an increasing, intensifying, more and more constant, uninterrupted sensation that the sole support is—the Supreme Lord. There’s only He, only He. And that’s inside, in the body.
At the same time, a very precise perception…. You know, once (years ago) I was asked, “What is purity?” I answered, “Purity is to be exclusively under the influence of the Supreme Lord and to receive nothing but from him.” Then, a year or two later, while reading Sri Aurobindo, I found a sentence in English which said exactly the same thing in other words1 (a sentence I had never read and didn’t know). I saw that same sentence yesterday evening (I have a calendar with quotations from Sri Aurobindo)…. They [the cells] are growing purer and purer, and the extent to which they aren’t is pointed out very clearly, in an absolutely precise, distinct way, as if with the point of a needle, on the spot that isn’t pure. And it hurts! It always corresponds to a pain—while the same physical condition goes on. Take an exposed nerve in a tooth: normally, it should hurt constantly; at times, in an almost general way, it doesn’t exist, but just when the purity isn’t total, whew! It hurts excruciatingly!… And in a few seconds it may pass. So it all exclusively depends on That—everything. It’s a proof, the most concrete proof!
"Purity is to accept no other influence but only the influence of the Divine."
Letters on Yoga, 23.645 ↩
***
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