…In the afternoon, the lists [of appointments] have lengthened to such a point that I have no time left. Earlier, I would start my daily work (the mail to be signed and so on) at three-thirty, then it became four o’clock, and now it’s a quarter to five. There was a time when I would have finished by four, so I worked on the translation of Savitri (that was long, long ago); later on, I finished at four-thirty, then I would still have time to take something, to eat a little; now I finish after five, so (laughing) that settles it!
It MUST be like that since it is like that.
It’s perhaps a lesson (it’s an indication), but there is a purpose to it.1
It’s the lesson that I have to understand, that I am trying to understand. I am learning to be very patient….
Yes!
Oh, a patience … People constantly bring revolt, abuse, all that. To me it’s an absolute zero, and sometimes it’s even amusing; sometimes I find it funny. But when I find it funny is not when I am in my best state, because when I am in my own state—the true state of compassion—it doesn’t change anything, it doesn’t even make a ripple on the surface, nothing. When it’s funny is when it makes me start working on people who have done one thing or another. When something is at work, then I find it amusing.
Yesterday, I was asked the question; I was asked whether abuse, the feeling of being abused, and what in English is called self-respect (which is somewhat akin to self-esteem), have a place in the sadhana. Naturally, they don’t, that goes without saying! But I saw the movement, it was extremely clear: I saw that without ego, when the ego isn’t there, there CANNOT be that sort of ruffling in the being. I went back far into the past, to the time when I could still feel it (years ago), but now it’s not even something unfamiliar—it’s something which is impossible. The whole being, and strangely even the physical constitution, doesn’t understand what it means. It’s the same thing when materially there is a knock (Mother shows a scratch on her elbow), like this for instance: it’s no longer felt the way an injury is felt. It’s no longer felt that way. More often than not, there’s nothing at all, it goes absolutely unnoticed on the whole; but when there is something, it’s only an impression—a very … sweet, very intimate impression—of a help trying to make itself felt, of a lesson to be learned. But not the way it’s done mentally where there is always a stiffening; it’s not that: it’s immediately a kind of offering in the being, which gives itself in order to learn. I am speaking of all the cells. It’s very interesting. Of course, if we mentalize it, we have to say it’s the sense or awareness of the divine Presence in all things, and that the mode—the mode of contact—comes from the state in which we are.
This is the body’s experience.
And the only perception when there is some clash or other in individuals, some shock or other, is always a clear vision of the ego—the ego manifesting itself. They say, “It’s the other’s fault.” I wouldn’t say, “Oh, so-and-so was angry” or “Oh, so-and-so …” No, it’s his ego; not even his ego: THE EGO, the ego principle—the ego principle intervening again. That’s very interesting, because for me the ego has become a sort of impersonal entity, while for everyone, it’s the acute sense of his personality! Instead of that, it’s a sort of way of being (which we may call terrestrial, or human), a sort of way of being in greater or lesser quantity here or there or there, and which gives each one the illusion of his personality. It’s very interesting.
Yes, but the trouble is, others don’t learn their lesson, so … So they intrude upon you.
Oh, if they learned their lesson, everything would change very quickly!
With the result that you are invaded, swamped.
Can’t be!
All your time is swallowed up, all your…
I can’t be swallowed up! (laughing) I’m too big!
But even so, materially you’re overburdened.
I have noticed that if I resist, things go badly. If I have a sense of fluidity, there aren’t anymore clashes. It’s the same thing as with this scratch (Mother shows her elbow). You see, if you stiffen up and things resist, you knock yourself. It’s like people who know how to fall: they fall without breaking anything. With people who don’t know how to fall, the slightest tumble and they break something. It’s the same thing. We must learn to be … perfect oneness. To correct, to straighten things out, is still to resist.
So what’s going to happen [if the invasion goes on]?… It will be amusing, we’ll see! (Mother laughs) Since the others aren’t in the same state, maybe they’ll feel vexed, but I can’t help it! (Mother laughs)
We should always laugh, always. The Lord laughs. He laughs, and His laughter is so good, so good, so full of love! A laughter that envelops you in an extraordinary sweetness.
This too, men have distorted—(laughing) they’ve distorted everything!
This long period of "invasion" from outside since the previous year, and of increased difficulty with "people," as Mother would say, was to effectively end in a first serious warning to Mother some days later, on January 14 (when Sri Aurobindo dictated to Mother a note on the "cataleptic trance" in order to undergo the transformation undisturbed). ↩
***
questions, comments, suggestions/feedback, take-down requests, contribute, etc
contact me @ integralyogin@gmail.com or via the comments below
or join the integral discord server (chatrooms)
if the page you visited was empty, it may be noted and I will try to fill it out. cheers