There is a slight hope that this material mind, the mind of the cells, will be transformed.
This is good news!
Isnt it! I am quite astonished. I noticed it yesterday or the day before. I wasnt well, anyway things werent pleasant, and all of a sudden, here was all this mind saying a prayer. A prayer you know how I used to say prayers before, in Prayers and Meditations: it was the Mind saying prayers; it would have experiences and say prayers; well, here we are, now its the experience of all the cells: an intense aspiration, and suddenly all this starts expressing it in words.
I noted it.
And then, interestingly enough
It was dinner time; there had been (there always is) a fatigue, a tension, the need for more harmony in the atmosphere its becoming a little heavy going; and there I was, sitting, when all of a sudden, all this straightened up like a flame, oh, in a great intensity, and then it was as if this body-mind, on behalf of the body (it was the body beginning to be mentalized), were saying a prayer (Mother looks for a note) And it very much has the sense of the oneness of Matter (this has been very strong for a long, long time, but its becoming very conscious: a sort of identity); so there was the sense of the totality of Matterterrestrial, human Matter, human Matter and it said:
I am tired of our unworthiness. But it is not to rest that this body aspires
And this was felt in all the cells.
it is not to rest that this body aspires, it is to the glory of Your Consciousness, the glory of Your Light, the glory of Your Power, and above all
Here, it became still much more intense:
to the glory of Your all-powerful and eternal Love.
And all these words had such concrete meaning!
I wrote this very fast, then I left it there. But heres this mind showing itself to be like the other (Mother looks for a second note), it has a sort of concern for perfection in the expression; and in the afternoon of the next day (it generally happens after my bath; there is a sort of special activity at that time), after my bath it was in that state and I had to write this (it had become quite like a prayer):
OM, supreme Lord,
God of kindness and mercy,
OM, supreme Lord,
God of love and beatitude
When it came to beatitude all the cells seemed to be swollen.
I am tired of our infirmity. But it is not to rest that this body aspires, it aspires to the plenitude of Your Consciousness, it aspires to the splendor of Your Light, it aspires to the magnificence of Your Power; above all, it aspires to the glory of Your all-powerful and eternal Love.
There is a sort of concrete content in the words, which has nothing to do with the mind. It is something livednot just felt: lived.
And then, in the afternoon, it was no longer a prayer, but the observation of a fact (Mother looks for a third note). I found it was becoming interesting. It said:
The other states of being
If you knew with what sort of disdain it spoke, such a superior air!
The other states of being, the vital, the mind, may enjoy the intermediate contacts
In other words, all the intermediate states of being, also the gods, the entities and all those things. And it spoke with a power and a sort of dignityyes, it was dignity, almost pride, but not an arrogant pride, nothing of the sort. It was the sense of a nobility.
The supreme Lord alone can satisfy me.
And then, there was suddenly such a clear vision that the supremely perfect alone can give this body plenitude (gesture of junction between the High and the Low).
I found that interesting.
Its the beginning of something.
(silence)
It started with disgusta disgust a sickening disgustat all this misery, all this weakness, all this fatigue, all this discomfort, all this friction and grating, oof! And it was very interesting because there was that disgust, and along with it came a sort of suggestion of Annihilation, of Nothingness: of eternal Peace, you understand. And it swept all that away, as if the whole body straightened up: Hey, but thats not it! Thats not what I want. I want (and then there was a dazzling burst of lighta dazzling golden light) I want the splendor of Your Consciousness.
That was an experience.
(silence)
There is still a bit of friction, but anyway its better. Just before you came You know, there are two, three of them hurling at me everyones demands, the work to be done, the answers to be given, the checks to be signed; its quite a task you are harassed, mauled as though by claws. And there is this fatigue I feel every day, always, and because of which I need to be left absolutely undisturbed (you seem to be clawed); and I saw it was because all the work this body is made to do doesnt come from That to which it aspiresit doesnt come from up above: it comes from here, from all around, and thats why it grates, as if something were being ground. Then, very consciously, this mind called on that aspiration and on equanimity, on cellular equality: Well, this is the time to be in equality, and instantly a sort of quiet immobility was established, and things were better, I was able to go to the end.
I feel as if the tail of the solution had been caught.1 Now, naturally, we must work it out.
Anyway, there is some hope.
I had always been under the impression of what Sri Aurobindo said: This instrument [the physical mind] is useless, it can only be got rid of.2 It was very difficult to get rid of it because it was so intimately linked to the aggregate of the physical body and its present form it was difficult; and when I tried and a deeper consciousness tried to manifest, it used to cause fainting. I mean that the union, the fusion, the identification with the Supreme Presence without that, without this physical mind, by annulling it, caused fainting. I didnt know what to do. Now that its collaborating, and collaborating consciously (and with a great power in the sensation, it seems), maybe things are going to change.
Everything that was mental I remember very clearly the state I was in when I wrote those Prayers and Meditations, especially when I wrote them here (all those I wrote here in 1914): it seems to me cold and dry yes, dry, lifeless. Its luminous, its lovely, pleasant, but its cold, lifeless. Whereas this aspiration here [in the cellular mind], oh, it has a powera power of realizationquite an extraordinary power. If this becomes organized, it will be possible to do something. There is an accumulated power there.
(silence)
And the last two nights, the activities of the morning, those that take place in the subtle physical with Sri Aurobindo and all the people here, have suddenly become concerned with food! But in a very different form. Its always to give me indications about people, about things. The night before last, there was an amusing incident. You know that Mridu, the fat woman who used to cook for Sri Aurobindo, is in the subtle physical. When she died, Sri Aurobindo (I didnt even know she had died), Sri Aurobindo went to fetch her in her house, then brought her to me and put her at my feet here: thats how I knew she had died (I was told the next morning). But I didnt understand what had happened; I saw Sri Aurobindo go into Mridus house, then come back (laughing) with a small bundle like this, and put it at my feet! I was flabbergasted, I saw it was Mridu, and I ran after Sri Aurobindo to ask him, What on earth does this mean?! Then everything vanished. The next day, I was told she was dead. And she lives like that, in the subtle physical, and I see her very, very often, very often (she is a little better than she was physically, but not much more intelligent!). But the other night, she brought me big prunes (they were this big), and I ate a few, and found them very good; then Pavitra came along, looked at those poor prunes and told me, Oh, you shouldnt eat this, theres mold on it! I remembered it because it amused me. And I looked, saying (laughing), I dont see any mold, and anyway they are very good! And last night, there was a man (whom I know very well, but I cant remember his name) who told me I absolutely must drink milk! (For years and years I havent drunk a drop of milk.) And he showed me the milk saying, You see, you should mix the milk in soup, in this, in that. I wondered, Thats odd, why all of a sudden? I never, ever used to have dreams of food! (They arent dreams, by the way: I am not asleep, I am perfectly conscious.) It began two nights ago: first I ate prunesbig prunes like this then last night, I was told to take milk! But it was so insistent that for a moment this morning I wondered if I should start drinking milk!
This is also new.
The series had begun with that vision (always in the same domain) in which I went to fetch tea for Sri Aurobindo and was given earth with a slice of plain bread!
Its a whole world thats beginning to open up. Well see.
There. So have you brought something?
But its true, for a day or two Ive had the feeling of a more pleasant atmosphere.
Ah!
I dont know if it has to do with me personally, but a more yes, a more happy atmosphere
Yes, thats right.
that grates less.
Yes, thats how it must be. Well see. If what I perceive is correct, things must move in that direction.
Generally when you are unwell, I am in a terribly bad mood.
Yes Oh, but I say its the other way around, mon petit! (Laughing) I didnt tell you because I didnt want to be unkind, but I felt like telling you, Good heavens! What a bad mood youre in, it makes me ill! (Laughter)
Its true, its neither in this direction nor in that one (gesture from Mother to Satprem and from Satprem to Mother): its all one. Thats why I didnt say anything. Because our habit is to see like this (gesture from one to the other), but its not true, its not like that: it is a whole, which in everyone takes its own expression.
All right.
***
A little later, about Savitri and the Debate of Love and Death:
He said he wanted to redo all this passage, but he never did it. And when he was asked (I dont know if it was Nirod or Purani who asked him), he said, No, later.
And he knew very well that there was no later. At the time he already knew it.
No, later.
I dont know.
***
Satprem rises to leave:
So, you mustnt be in a bad mood. (Laughing) Youll tell me I mustnt be ill! Very well, very well.
We cannot help thinking of Sri Aurobindo's "mathematical formula": "Now," he wrote on 16 August 1935, "I have got the hang of the whole hanged thinglike a very Einstein I have got the mathematical formula of the whole affair (unintelligible as in his case to anybody but myself) and am working it out figure by figure." Mother uses almost the same words.
See in particular Conversations with Pavitra of 20 November 1926. Pavitra complained that "this mechanical part of the mind is carrying me along." And Sri Aurobindo replied, "It is simply an outer functioning and it will be rejected in the course of the procedure." That was in 1926. Sri Aurobindo changed his mind later, perhaps in fact when he discovered his "mathematical formula."
***
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