(Mother asks Satprem if he has prepared a question on the aphorism on "renunciation," which is to appear in the next "Bulletin." Then she adds:)
I delivered great speeches to you on the subject, but I dont remember! (Laughing) It was in the night, I delivered a whole speech to you, and I even thought, in the middle of the night, Well, thats just what I should tell Satprem tomorrow!
I told you that the only process Ive known, and which recurred several times in my life, is to renounce an error. Something you believe to be truewhich probably was true for a timeon which you partly base your action, but which, in actuality, was only one opinion. You thought it was a truthful finding with all its logical consequences, and your action (part of your action) was based on it, so that everything proceeded from it automatically. Till suddenly an experience, a circumstance or an intuition warns you that your finding isnt so true as it appeared to be (!) Then there is a whole period of observation and study (sometimes too it comes as a revelation, a massive proof), and then its not just your idea or false knowledge that needs to be changed, but also all its consequences, perhaps an entire way of acting on a particular point. At that moment, you get a sort of sensation, something that feels like a sensation of renunciation; that is to say, you have to undo a whole collection of things you had built. Sometimes its quite considerable, sometimes a very small thing, but the experience is the same: the movement of a force, a dissolving power, and the resistance of all that must be dissolved, all the past habit. It is the contact of the movement of dissolution with the corresponding resistance that probably translates in the ordinary human consciousness as the sense of renunciation.
I saw that very recently; its something insignificant, the circumstances are completely unimportant in themselves (its only the study of the whole that makes it interesting). Its the only phenomenon that has recurred several times in my life and which for that reason I know well. And as the being progresses, the power of dissolution increases, becomes more and more immediate, and the resistance lessens. But I remember the time when the resistances were at their highest (more than half a century ago), and it never worked in any other way: it was always something outside menot outside my consciousness but outside my will something that resists the will. I never had the feeling I had to renounce things but I felt as if I had to exert a pressure on them to dissolve them. Whereas now, the farther I go, the more imperceptible the pressure becomes, its immediate: as soon as the Force that comes to dissolve a collection of things manifests, theres no resistance, everything gets dissolved; on the contrary, theres hardly any sense of liberation theres something that is amused every time and says, Ah, again! How many times you limit yourself. How many times you think youre constantly moving on, smoothly, without stopping, and how many times you set a little limit to your action (it isnt a big limit because its a very little thing within an immense whole, but its a limit nonetheless). And then when the Force acts to dissolve the limit, at first you feel liberated, you feel a joy; but now its not even like that any more: there is a smile. Because its not a sense of liberationyou very simply remove a stone that stands in your way.
Thats more or less what I told you last night, but I told it to you complete with illustrations! It would take pages, you understand! (Laughing) Thats why the illustrations are gone, otherwise it would fill a volume. There were all the explanations, all the details.
That idea of renunciation can occur only in an egocentric consciousness. Naturally, people (those whom I call quite unevolved) are attached to thingswhen they have something, they dont want to let go of it! That seems so childish to me! For them, if they are obliged to give it up, it hurts! Because they identify with the things they hold on to. But thats childish. The real process behind is the amount of resistance in the things that developed on a certain basis of knowledgea knowledge at a given time, no longer a knowledge at another timea partial knowledge, not fleeting but impermanent. There is a whole collection of things built on that knowledge, and they resist the Force that says, No! Its not true, (laughing) your basis is no longer true, away with it! But then, Oh, it hurts!thats what people feel as renunciation.
The difficult thing is perhaps not so much to renounce as to accept [Mother smiles] when you see life as it is now. But then if you accept, how can you live in the midst of all that while having that untroubled rapture the untroubled rapture not up there but here?1
This has been my problem for weeks.
I have reached this conclusion: in principle, what gives rapture is the awareness of and union with the Divine (thats the principle), therefore the awareness of and union with the Divine, whether in the world as it is or in the building of a future world, must be the samein principle. Thats what I keep saying to myself all the time: How is it that you dont have that rapture? I do have it: at the time when the whole consciousness is centered in the union, whenever that is, in the midst of any activity, along with that movement of concentration of the consciousness on the union comes rapture. But I must admit it disappears when I am in that its a world of work, but a very chaotic world, in which I act on everything around meand necessarily I have to receive whats around me in order to act on it. I have reached a state in which all that I receive, even the things considered the most painful, leave me absolutely still and indifferentindifferent, not an inactive indifference: no painful reaction of any kind, absolutely neutral (gesture turned to the Eternal), a perfect equanimity. But within that equanimity, there is a precise knowledge of the thing to be done, the words to be said or written, the decision to be made, anyway all that action involves. All that takes place in a state of perfect neutrality, with a sense of the Power at the same time: the Power goes through me, the Power acts, and neutrality stays but theres no rapture. I dont have the enthusiasm, the joy and plenitude of action, not at all.
And I must say that the state of consciousness that rapture gives would be dangerous in the present state of the world. Because it has almost absolute reactions I can see that that state of rapture has an OVERWHELMING power. But I insist on the word overwhelming, in the sense that its intolerant of, or intolerable to (yes, intolerable to) all thats unlike it! Its the same thing, or almost (not quite the same but almost), as supreme divine Love: the vibration of that ecstasy or rapture is a first hint of the vibration of divine Love, and thats absolutely yes, there is no other word, intolerant, in the sense that it doesnt brook the presence of anything contrary to it.
So that would have frightening results for the ordinary consciousness. I can see that very well, because at times that Power comes the Power comes and you feel as if everything is about to explode. Because it can tolerate only union, it can tolerate only an accepting responsereceiving and accepting. And not from any arbitrary will: from the VERY FACT of its existence, an all-powerful existenceall-powerful not in the way man understands allpowerfullness: really an all-powerfulness. That is, entirely, totally and exclusively existing. It contains everything, but what is contrary to its vibration is forced to change, you see, since nothing can disappear; but then that immediate, brutal, so to say, and absolute change is, in the world as it is, a catastrophe.
This is the answer I received to my problem.
Because that was my question, I wondered, But why? I who am Any second I just have to do this (gesture upward) and its theres only the Lord, all is THATbut in such an absolute way that all that is not It vanishes! So the proportion at present.. (laughing) is that too many things would have to disappear!
That I understood.
(silence)
At times For the body its a constant worka constant laborvery tiny, of every instant, an unceasing effort, with, so to say, an imperceptible result (externally at any rate, quite nonexistent), so for someone who doesnt have my consciousness, its perfectly obvious that the body appears to wear out and age, to be slowly heading for decomposition: thats in everyones atmosphere and consciousness (Mother laughs), its the kind of appreciation and vibration thats being thrown all the time on this poor body, which besides is quite conscious of its infirmityit doesnt entertain any illusions! But that quiet, peaceful, but UNCEASING endurance in the effort of transformation makes it sometimes yearn for a little ecstasynot as an abolition or annihilation, not at all, but it seems to be saying, Oh, Lord, I beg you, let me be You in all tranquillity. In fact, thats its prayer every evening when people are supposed to leave it in peace (unfortunately they leave it in peace physically, but mentally they dont). But that I could cut off, I learned to cut off long, long ago, I could cut off, but something, I mean somewhere, someone doesnt approve! (Mother laughs) Obviously what the Someone the great Someonewants to see realized is perfect peace, perfect rest, and joy, a passive joy (not too active; a passive joy is enough), a passive, constant joy, WITHOUT forsaking the work. In other words, the individual experience isnt regarded as all-importantvery far from it: the help given to the whole, the leaven which makes the whole rise, is AT LEAST equally important. Ultimately, thats probably the major reason for persisting in this body.
Nothing inside asks any questions, there are no problems there; all the problems I am talking about are posed by the body, for the body; otherwise, inside, everything is perfect, everything is exactly as it should be. And totally so: what people call good, what they call evil, the beautiful, the ugly, the all that is a small immensity (not a big immensity), a small immensity that is moving more and more towards a progressive realization thats the correct phrasewithin an integral Consciousness which integrally (how should I put it?) enjoys, or I could say, feels the plenitude of what He doesdoes, is and so forth (its all the same thing). But this poor body
And probably Its certain too that one cant go too fast: if the body had that Joy in it, if it had that ecstasy in it, that rapture continually, surely that would bring too rapid a transformation there are still a lot of things to be changed, a lot, a whole lot of things.
What people see [when they look at Mothers body] is only the appearance, but this appearance is a reflection of something else. (silence) Theres a sort of knowledge (is it a knowledge?) or foreknowledge given to the body of how this appearance will be changed. And it sounds so simple, so easy, it can be done in a flash, because its not AT ALLit wont AT ALL be done in the way people think or expect. Its rather like the vision of the TRUE internal movement that would IMPOSE itself in such a way that it would veil the false vision which sees things like that [on the surface]. Its very hard to explain, but its Ive felt it several times for a few seconds (I have a sort of sensation of the thing): there is something true, the true Physical, which, although its not perceptible to our eyes as they see, could make itself perceptible through an INTENSIFICATION. And that intensification would be what would effect the transformation outwardly that would replace the false appearance with the real form.
But I have no idea whether the false appearance wouldnt still exist for those not ready to see the true thing. At any rate, it would be an intermediary period: those whose eyes were open would be able to see (what is called open eyes in the Scriptures), they would be able to see; and they would be able to see not through effort or seeking, but the thing would impose itself on them. While those whose eyes were not open for a time, at least, it would be that way, they wouldnt seethey would still see the old appearance. The two may be simultaneous.
I SAW myself the way I am, and quite obviously (Mother laughs) my body seems to have been shrunk to enable me to dominate it and exceed it on all sides without difficulty! Thats my impression, something thats shrunk! The English word is very expressive (Mother laughs).
Now, of course, when I say that, people imagine its a psychic or mental vision thats not it, I dont mean that! I mean a PHYSICAL vision, with these very eyes (Mother touches her eyes). But a TRUE physical vision, instead of the distorted vision we have now.
This means, basically, that the true reality is far more marvelous than we can imagine, because all that we can imagine is always a transformation or glorification of what we see but thats not it. Thats not it!
I am not quite sure that I do not already exist physically with a true body2I say not quite sure because the outer senses have no proof of it! But in fact I dont try, I have never attempted to see or know, but from time to time, it somehow imposes itself: for a minute, I see myself, feel myself, objectify myself as I am. But it just lasts a few seconds, and pfft! goneits replaced by the old habit.
You know, we can only conceive of things changing from one to another: you grow young again, all the signs of aging disappear and so on thats old hat, thats not how it works. Thats not it!
Once, I remember, my body was feeling sorry for itself like a child, it was bemoaning its condition, when it heard a voicean awesome voice that said to it, Why dont you feel yourself AS YOU ARE? And that experience followed but it lasted a second. A second, a flash.
And then comes that wonderful reason we reek of (I dont say were steeped in, I say we reek of), which starts asking: How can that be? And how can I remain efficient? And how can I keep a contact with the rest of the world? And how how, how? So I stopped, stopped it all. And whats going to happen to this body? And what will be its mode of existence?
We can very well conceive (its something easy to conceive) that beings may be born in another manner, through a power of concentration, and that those beings may materialize without any of the miseries that beset us thats all very well, but its for later. We are in between, thats where the difficulty is.
"All renunciation is for a greater joy yet ungrasped. Some renounce for the joy of duty done, some for the joy of peace, some for the joy of God and some for the joy of self-torture, but renounce rather as a passage to the freedom and untroubled rapture beyond."
Let us recall in this connection the experience of many disciples who in their "dreams" see Mother much taller than she is apparently.
***
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