Physical Matter, physical substance the very elementary consciousness thats in physical substancehas been so ill-treated (since mans presence on earth, I suppose, because before man, there probably wasnt enough self-consciousness to be aware of being ill-treated; the substance wasnt conscious enough, I suppose, to make a distinction between a normal peaceful state and unfavorable conditions; but anyway, that goes back quite long time), so ill-treated that it finds it very hard to believe things can be different. That consciousness has an aspirationan aspiration especially for a LUMINOUS peace, something that isnt the dark peace of Unconsciousness, which it doesnt like (I dont know if it ever liked it, but it no longer does). It aspires to a luminous peace; not to a consciousness full of various things, not that: simply to a peaceful consciousness, very peaceful, very quiet, very luminous thats what it wants. Yet at the same time, it has some difficulty believing that its possible. I am experiencing it: the concrete and absolutely tangible intervention of the supreme Power, supreme Light and supreme Goodnessit [the consciousness in physical substance] has the experience of that, and every time it has a new sense of wonder, but in that sense of wonder I can see something like: Is it really possible?
It gives me the impression, you know, of a dog that has been beaten so much that it expects nothing but blows.
Its sad.
Yet the proofs are accumulating. If faith and trust could settle permanently, the difficulty would probably be over.
(silence)
That consciousness feels a sort of anxiety towards mental force; the moment a mental force manifests, it goes like this (gesture of recoil): Oh, no! Enough of that, enough, enough! As though mental force were the cause of all its torment. It feels mental force as something so hard, dry, rigid, ruthless, above all drydry, emptyempty of the true Vibration.
Thats becoming quite clear. For example, whenever there is no need to do anything outwardly and all activity stops, then theres rest, and there comes that thirst and aspiration for a luminous Peace. It comes, and not only does it come, it seems to be firmly established. But if in that rest something suddenly flags and the old mental activity starts up (an activity of the mind of the cells, the most material mind), immediately that consciousness comes out of its rest with a jerk: Ah, no! Not that, not that, not that! Instantly the mental activity is stopped, and there is an aspiration for the PresenceNot that, not that!
This morning, I had the experience twice; a very slight mental activity, and almost instantly: Ah, no, no! Not that. That consciousness prefers to act or move or do anything rather than fall into that conditionwhich it seems to regard as the Enemy.
(silence)
This morning there was a kind of vision or sensation of the curve from the animal to mana spiral curve then of the return to the state above the animal, in which life, action, movement arent the result of Mind but of a Force, which is felt as a Force of SHADOWLESS light, that is, self-luminous, casting no shadows, and absolutely peaceful. And in that peace, so harmonious and soft oh, its supreme rest. That disharmony and hardness are the cause of fatigue in life.
I am speaking of the cells consciousness.
Oh, to get out of that chaos of ideas, wills, conceptionsits all so petty, so dry, so hollow, and at the same time so irritating in its instability.
And it seems to be reflected in circumstances: everyone seems to be, if not at the peak of his difficulties, at least a good way up (!) Disharmony, conflict, chaos appear to have reached their highest (I hope they wont rise any higher, because as it is its hardly bearable). From morning till night, without letup, quarrels, discontent, demands oh, dissatisfaction, grumblings, all the time, all the time, with a sort of simmeringa simmering of disorder and dissatisfaction. (Mother points to a stack of letters): see all thatwhich I am supposed to answer, naturally.
***
(Shortly afterwards, Mother goes into meditation and Satprem follows her:)
Do you still have a sensation of descent? A descent of force?
Me, I no longer feel that it descends: its there (gesture around and everywhere). That is to say, I dont feel something descending, its there all the timewhat about you?
I rarely feel a descent, except at times when the Force rushes downward, from below the shoulders downward.
Yes, in the body.
Then I feel a descent.
It [the meditation] was very good, very still and luminous, without any disturbance. Very good.
But the consciousness doesnt seem to be progressing the consciousness, you understand.
Because it doesnt want to be mentalized!
You shouldnt worry.
Oh, I remember, one day (it impressed me much), the Swami told me, But you should imagine this, imagine that.
Oh!
I said, No, I dont want to! I want THE THING TO COME. Then he replied (he said it with great force), That was your error throughout all your lives.
Not wanting to imagine?
Yes, imagine, make use of the mental element.
But thats quite On the contrary, Ive had to struggle against that, not in myself but everywhere, against that mania for imagining. Thats what gives me such a (how can I put it?) both restful and pleasant impression [with you], everything stays still. If one wants to receive the Truth, all that must come to a stop.
I do understand. My complaint is rather that the silence doesnt result in a clearer consciousness, for example.
It will come.
No, that habit of imagining is very, very I consider it very baneful.
I had that tendency very strongly in the past; thats what I called storytellingeverything, everything became stories: all the work, all that had to be done. But I stopped it completely, completely, as a dangerous thingit gives a great material power (thats probably why the Swami asked you to do it), what it gives is a material power, but its VERY bad, it falsifies all that comes from above.
***
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last updated: 2022-02-04 22:27:56
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