I had a rather amusing experience while walking [during japa]. I was looking at peoples attitude (I mean those who think they lead a spiritual life, who think they have made a surrender), and how they are utterly vexed when things dont happen the way they want! (They dont always admit it, they dont always say it to themselves, but its a fact.) Then all at once, I saw a huge robothuge, magnificent, resplendent, covered with gold and jewelsa huge being but a robot. And all-powerfulall-powerful, capable of doing anything, anything at all; anything you could imagine, he could do it: you had only to press a button and he did it. And it was (laughing) as if the Lord were telling me, See, here is what I am to them!
I couldnt have recounted the experience just like that, but I made a note of it. He said, See, this is what I am to them. So I wrote it down.
(Mother first reads out the French version of her note)
Then I wrote it in English (if theres a gap in the Bulletin, Ill put it in!):
The Lord is not an all-powerful automaton that the human beings can move by (laughing) the push-button of their will
Its very funny!
the push-button of their will and yet most of those who surrender to God expect that from Him.
I read it to Pavitra; he said, But still, thats rather like the way things work! He didnt quite understand (Mother laughs).
***
(Mother comments on the previous conversation, in which she was looking for a way out down below but abruptly came out of the experience above:)
In order to be complete, we should add that we are aware (not aware: we know it, its a certainty) that all the upward paths are open, traveled, you can go there as you like and when you like. Thats it, and thats why, when I wanted to come out of the experience, it meant going upward, quite naturally. Not that the passage above is closed, on the contrary, its traveled, explored but inadequate. We must find the corresponding passage down below.
(silence)
All the means of getting out have been found and practiced. But only for getting out individually, or abovenobody has ever found the key to the change, the way to make that thing cease to exist.
Because it can cease only in order to become SOMETHING ELSE.
And to become something else, there must be that leaven of transformation.
There is a period (a period which from the human point of view may seem long, but which can certainly), a transitional period which must begin with the perception of what has to come, followed by the aspiration, the will to become it, and then the work of transformation.
How far have we gone in that work of transformation?
(silence)
Sri Aurobindo came with the notion, or the Command, or the conviction that it was in the present. But to what extent is the transformation present? And what does present mean? What span of time does it cover?
There is such a certitudesuch a certitude that the thing is ALREADY there, but thats when you see it from the other end. Seen from this end here When you see it on the scale of human beings and world events, how much time will it take? I dont know. And how far have we traveled, where are we on the road? I dont know.
And quite clearly, certainties as WE conceive of them, I mean someone who knows (and someone who knows can only be the Supreme) and tells you clearly, Here is where you stand, and with YOUR way of seeing things, well (Mother laughs), such certainties arent to be expected, it seems! Probably its quite stupid to ask the question.
You do feel its a bit stupid, but you often feel the need to know! (laughter) Its stupid, but.
Its not much, not a large part of the being that would like to know. It happens when the body feels quite bizarre, not at all, AT ALL as it was before, but also not at all as it thinks it should be. A transitional period which is truly unsatisfactory, in the sense that you no longer feel the strength you had, the capacities you had, but you dont feel at all the Power and capacities you expect eitheryou are halfway between, neither like this nor like that. With, now and then, some absolutely bewildering things, things that make you stare wide-eyed, Oh, thats how it is! But at the same time, such tiresome limitations, tiresome.
That is the part (a completely childish part) which needs a little encouragement: Come on, dont worry, youre on the right track. But thats childish. The only way is to keep quiet and go on without worrying.
There is somewhere a sort of capacity for acute discernment, which can very easily turn into a censor (its still there; probably it serves a purpose), and thats what demands certainties. The major part of the being says, Its not my concern. I am here because You want me to be here. If You didnt want me to be here, I wouldnt be here. There is nothing like an attachment or a desire. (That went away quite a while ago! But now it has become an almost cellular condition.) And since You keep me here, it means I am doing something here, and if I am doing something here, thats all I need, thats why You keep me here. It comes full circle, of course.
How long will it last? Thats not my concern. Maybe something would be a bit frightened if it were told the time it will take (we cant say, we cant foresee the reaction). So its best to keep quiet. But theres nothing of interest. Nothing to make interesting literaturenothing, nothing at all absolutely nothing.
Patience.
***
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last updated: 2022-02-04 22:21:30
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