classes ::: Agenda Vol 03, The Mother, Satprem, Integral Yoga, chapter,
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object:1962-12-19
book class:Agenda Vol 03
author class:The Mother
author class:Satprem
subject class:Integral Yoga
class:chapter


1962 Wed 19 December
December 19, 1962

(A few days earlier, Mother inaugurated the new music room built on the terrace near her room. Without informing her, the disciples had also built a balcony, in the hope that Mother would start giving "morning darshans" again, as she used to in the past.)

How are you feeling? Better or not?

Inwardly, yes, Im all right.

Because the series continues; I mean everything everywhere seems to want to disintegrate: everything everywhere. But the Power is beginning to have an effect (thats putting it poorly, its not exactly that). Its as though I were presented with every possible opportunity to use the Power and theyre not coming one after the other but all at once, almost like a lessonin fact, to teach me how to do what needs to be done.

I have to admit that it always ends well, in that the Power always gets the upper hand, but its so (whats the word?) so repetitious, many-sided and coexistent that, you know, it feels a bit like charging along at a gallop for hours on end.

But I had an interesting experience the other day, when this new room was inaugurated. Those rascals set up a balcony! And there was such a crowdin all the streets, on the rooftops that I had no choice but to go out on the balcony. And I realized that there has been a complete break between my life before and now, with that famous experience1 as the dividing line: I have to make the same movement I make to summon up the memory of a past life! It was so concrete, I was flabbergasted. The same movement of consciousness as when you summon up a past life: it was as though I had to recall what I used to do on the balcony in my former life! I was teaching the body as if it had no idea what to do. I was calling back what had to be done from the depths of a subconscious memory. But it was not the same thing, since the doors were not the same, the setup was different, so it was a little bit complicated. But when I found myself at the edge of the balcony, I suddenly drew on something, and this came: Heres how it was, heres what I used to do; and once again the Presence was there. And the whole time I was standing on the balcony it was it was better than before, much clearermuch clearer the experiences are much simpler and much more absolute (when I know something, I know it better than before).

But in the past, you see, I used to go up and down the stairs four or five times a day; I would go out, go down the other stairs, it gave me some exercise. Nowadays I dont get any exercise, except walking for half an hour twice a day, but thats no substitute: my legs are a bit stiff from lack of exercise. So I didnt feel like walking on the balcony like a puppet before of all those people waiting and wondering. You see, more than three-quarters of them think I was very sick (Mother laughs), practically dying (thats the form it takes in their consciousness). I couldnt show them someone who seemed to be emerging from a serious illness! So I clearly saw I had to tell my body, Now dont walk like that! Youve got to walk like thisthis is how you used to walk. And the body was listening like a little child. Youre going to walk, I had to tell it, youre going to walk like this. And it started walking! It was funny.

(Mother hands a box to Satprem) F. and R. have come and she brought me some candied chestnuts from Paris.

Oh, these are delicious. Did you find any difference in peoples atmosphere?

They were slightly more aware of what it meant, thats all. But thats something they learned when I leftits always necessary to make people understand.

Will you do it again?

Later.

It was difficult.

It was difficult and it attracts a lot of. Its like another type of exercise, as if my body were now being taught other kinds of things, another way of being, you understand, another way. And its trying to find a harmony, the equilibrium of a constant harmony. But its very, very, very difficult. Its not at all the usual condition: in ordinary life, the cells are accustomed to a very restless and unexpected life, with ups and downs, peaks of intense sensation, now sorrow, now pleasure, now acute pain, now something very pleasantall of this jumbled up in a sort of chaos. And I have realized that for the people here, even those near me, its even worse than that! This doesnt make sense to me any more. On its own the body is naturally in a sort of gently undulating movement, a very harmonious, very peaceful, very quiet movement. And when its not forced into outer activity theres such a wonderful sense of the divine Presence everywhere, everywherein it, around it, over it, in everything, everywhere and so concrete! (Mother touches her hands, her arms, her face, as if she were bathing in the Lord.) Its really inexpressible. And well, THATS what it wants to have ALL THE TIME, in all circumstances, even when its forced to have contacts with the outside. So I cant go too quickly; things like the balcony cause a bit too much pressure, and the body starts feeling a little unsure of itself.

Yesterday, for instance, I had to see F. and R., since they had just arrived the day before. I spent three-quarters of an hour with them, and by the time it was over they had literally EMPTIED the atmosphere of all spiritual senseit had become empty and hollow. It took me two or three minutes of concentration (which isnt so long) to bring it all back to normal.

I havent seen much of that room,2 I havent been there often. I went to see what it was like for the first time the evening before the inauguration, and it gave me the feeling of something totally emptyyou know, hollow and dry. It was so strong that the body felt like this (wavering gesture, as if Mother were losing her footing). Thats how the BODY felt, its not the consciousness; I am talking about the body-consciousness. The room seemed so hollow and empty that the body felt drained, as if all its force and consciousness had to spread out everywhere in order to fill up that emptiness.

The next day it wasnt like that any more; the work had been done the day before, in one minute (it gets done very quickly, but in a very intense and violent way). I had purposely gone to the room the previous evening, to set things in order, and so the next day it was better, the work was already done. Then I sat down at the organ it was much better than I expected. It was as if a formation were waiting, and as soon as I sat down it descended. Oh, a marvelous musical joy! I didnt have to look and when I wasnt looking, I saw everything from within: all the notes, my hands, everything, with eyes closed. And so it descended I was very happy. I must have played for a good twenty minutes.

After twenty minutes, something said, Thats enough. And I saw that it was enough for the body, that it shouldnt exert itself further the formation withdrew. I couldnt have played a single note more! It was very interesting. And I realized that, truly, the will that moves my body isnt at all the same as before. Previously, it was the will of the being that had been placed into and formed in this body (it wasnt personal but still very individual). While now its not that: its a Will somewhere (somewhere which is everywhere and in everything), a Will somewhere that decides, and when it says Do, the body does; when it says No, nothing in the world could make the body move. And so, that conscious something somewhere, which is like an intermediary between the higher Will and the body and its outer life, has to tell the body, This is necessary. The body never protests, because that which speaks knows VERY WELL. It says, This is necessary, all right, the body does it. But when it says, Thats enough, now, the body stops. Because (how can I express it?) FOR THE BODY, the Most High knows better than the intermediary. In regard to circumstances and the vision of the work to be done, its all one; but for taking care of and educating the body, That (gesture on high) knows best. The intermediary doesnt really care (!), but when That says do, its done; inished, and its finished. Its very interesting.

Naturally, the whole crowd and the people around me kept asking, Now that its all set up, when will there be balcony darshans again? (Because when I came back inside I said, So! Youve built a balcony, have you?). When are we going to have them again? So the intermediary said, I dont know, its not up to me. Consternation! Then I kept very quiet for a little while, listening on high, and from high, high up there came, very slowly (it comes practically drop by drop because you have to do it VERY quietlyit comes drop by drop), what That said I had to reply: Nothing definite. I was told, It depends. It all depends I clearly see that it all depends on the special work being done on my body and on the results of that work. And it isnt formulated: I am not told, I am not told whats going to happen; I am only told, Heres how it might be. (Mother laughs) All right. Thats fine, I said.

But it was funny; it was really an experience, because had you asked me my impression beforeh and (my, I mean what usually talks), my impression was that I just had to decide to go to the balcony and it would happen (the only impossibility I saw was finding time for it). But thats not how it is, thats not it AT ALL. Its something else, utterly new, something I dont know; I have absolutely no reference points, and decisions are made on the highest levelonly with regard to the body. I mean for the work in general, for the terrestrial vision and all that, theres no difference: its seen, its known. But for this special thing in the body, I am not consulted.

I was really amused.

Well now, have you brought your book?

Read.
***

After Satprem has read from his manuscript:

Its very good, very good, excellent.

Its just the impression I have now: whats happening is something that has never happened before, and consequently, NOBODY can understand.

For instance, those who witness the phenomenon on a day-to-day basis (such as the doctor, for example) say, I dont understand. Oh, is that how it is? I dont understand. Yes, of course, there are certain reasons. When something happens, I ask him, How do you account for this? I dont know. But if I tell him, Well, I think I know what it depends on, he stares at me as if to say, Bats in her belfry! So I dont say anything. I tried two or three times, just to seetheres no reaction, nobody understands, nobody!

Even if I speak to someone more intelligent or better informed. Once or twice I said something to Pavitra, to see what would happen: he immediately dogmatizes, makes a mental principle out of it (consistent with Sri Aurobindos teaching, of course!). And it becomes something rigid, like a box. And he tries! He tries, he KNOWS he shouldnt do that, but. Which means one cannot understand unless one has the experienceyou must have the experience of all this somewhere, mon petit, otherwise you couldnt write about it!

But its Sri Aurobindo!

And interestingly enough, as I told you last time, it follows my bodys experience quite closely and regularly. There are so many sides to the problem, you see, so many ways of approaching the problem and attempting the transformation, and it [the book] seems to follow very, very well. Its interesting. Your book, and also my translation and yet they are so different! But of course, the experience itself is very, very diverse, multifaceted, with all sorts of side roads or forks, tiny little signs on the way, simply as cluesa whole world!

And I see clearly that trying to formulate it would spoil everything. You really cant formulate a curve until you come to the end of itotherwise, you spoil its course.

But its very interesting.

Well.

Au revoir, mon petit; its goodits going well. Thats what Sri Aurobindo told me a few days ago (I spent two hours with him at night, with all sorts of very interesting things happening). He told me (in his joking way), You see! Ive got him doing the book that makes him progress. So I said, Good. Because he has been there all along since you embarked on this book, and he seems to be guiding you according to a plan he has worked out. Thats what he told me. I have seen him with you very frequently (as Ive told you), but the other day he told me this positively.

Its good. Its very good this time.

Of April 13, 1962.

The music room, where Mother will henceforth receive people.

***
December 15, 1962


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