On the contrary, I feel a kind of drowsiness, but with no real rest or real sleep.
No rest? No total relaxation?
Try, mon petit, try again. Try again and again, it will come.
Its not sleep, its a kind of peace that descends. It can begin as drowsiness, but it changes into a sort of inner immobilityimmobility of the Spirit. The body too becomes quiet, quiet, quiet, very still; and from there, if nothing disturbs you, you flow into a sense of eternity. Its a wonderful experience. The real sense of Eternity: everything stops, and then NOTHING. And if you have the gift of vision (its not necessary, but if you do), you see it all grow white and luminousall white. But that may well not happen because its its something youre born with.
All the cells open up and become conscious of their eternity.
It may be that three, four, five times, nothing happens, and then the sixth time it comes. You have to be very stubborn about these things.
Try.
Anyway, even if you dont sleep, its always restful to stretch out on your bed or a mat and go limp; its a good rest for the vital being, and it cant do you any harm.
***
(A little later, concerning the last conversation: On the surface, its a very humble work, nothing sensational. There are no illuminations filling you with joy: all that is fine for people seeking spiritual joysit belongs to the past.)
Yesterday I told Pavitra that all those realizations, all those yes, these powers, gifts, constructions, manifestations, it all reminded me of the life of a traveling juggler.
He was shocked.
Yes, I told him, its like a jugglers lifeyou go from fairground to fairground, displaying your feats of skill! (Laughter.)
But its true!
(silence)
The more I go on, the more sober it gets. Its quiet, peaceful, with no fanfare, no make-believe, none of that.
And its not done with the idea that, well, if you keep on this way for some time, therell be something dazzling at the other endnot at all.
Because the other end is the new creation, so its clear that. How MANY steps will it take, how many incomplete or imperfect things, approximations, attemptshow many MINUSCULE realizations for you to simply acknowledge, Yes, indeed, were on the way? For how many oh, you could practically say centuries will it be like this before the glorious body of a supramental being appears? Something came yesterday evening (it seemed like mere excitation to me); it was a power of creative imagination attempting to visualize supramental forms, beings that live in other worlds, and all sorts of things like that. I saw many things. But it seemed so like champagne bubbles! Thats all very nice, I said, for widening my power of imagination so I can present these forms to the Lord. But its not necessary! (Mother laughs) It really seemed so. There was a time when I considered it a great creative power (and many things that I saw in those moments of super-creativity, super-imagination, were actually realized years later on earth), and this time it came again (perhaps to give me a little fun, a little spectacle along the way), it came and I looked at it; I could see all its power, I could see it was something trying to materialize in the future, and I said, What histrionics! Why go through all these theatrics? Jugglers.
And it was supramental light, it originated in supramental light. How beings from other worlds would relate with the future beings, and all sorts of similar thingsbedtime stories.
But the vibration was there, you see, high above and all around the earth, very powerful (it was all around the earth) and very strong, it seemed to be coming from other parts of the universe and trying to enter the earths atmosphere to help it participate in those new combinations. And it all seemed like childishness to me the whole universe seemed to be living in childishness. There was something so tranquil hereso tranquil, so calm and unhurried, not interested in showing anything off, but capable of living in an eternity of quiet effort and progress. It was here, immobile, watching all these things. Finally (the spectacle lasted all evening) when I lay down in bed for the night, I said to the Lord, I dont need diversions, I dont need to see encouraging things I only want to work calmly, quietly, IN You. You, You are the worker; You are here and You alone exist. You are the realizer. Then all grew silent, still, motionlessand the excitement waned.
So you see, theres excitement in the universe too, if youre not careful! But my impression is that it simply complicates thingsit clouds the issue, you know, it complicates things. Then you have to wait for the bubbles to subside before you can calmly set off again on your way towards the goal.
Voil, petit.
Cant we hope. You know, sometimes there are abrupt mutations in evolution.
It can be, its possible. Its possible, I dont say it isnt; it is possible, it can happen, but more and more, the life allotted to this body is to do things without knowing it, to change the world without seeing it, and to to ignore all that, to be absolutely unconcerned with the results. And (to be perfectly explicit) I have a feeling that to have access to the highest and purest Power, the very notion of result must disappear completely the Supreme Power has no sense of result AT ALL. The sense of result is yet another rift between the essential, supreme Power, and the consciousness. In other words, its because the consciousness begins to separate slightly [from its identity with the Supreme Power], that the sense of result is created, but otherwise it doesnt exist.
Its as if everything had to be to be the Action, the eternal Action at each second of the Manifestation THE thing. At each pulsationwhich corresponds to time in the ManifestationTHAT alone is THE thing. And the idea of something having a result is already a distortion.
Uninterrupted, with one link the link of supreme Eternity. But the sense of consequences is false, it already implies a lowering of consciousness. So for meeven physically, in the midst of this whole hodgepodge of confusion, ignorance and stupidityit all translates into: I do things, and the results are none of my business. Thats how its expressed here in the body.
Its a kind of liberation I dont mean from worry or preoccupation, theres no question of that but from the very IDEA of a consequence: its this way because thats the way it is; it has to be this way, so it is. Thats all. And at each second its this way because it has to be, and so it is. And That repeats itself eternally, and it is this eternal Pulsation which is expressed in time by those gusts I feel this very strongly, very strongly. Its a constant, spontaneous and very natural experience for me. The idea of something behind or ahead in time and so on is a Truth changing from immutable Eternity into Eternity of manifestation. And it changes like this (Mother makes a pulsating gesture), exactly like gustspuff, puff, puff.
Irresponsible gusts, like a childs soap bubbles, you might say. No sense of consequencesnone, none whatsoever: puff, puff, puff like that.
Its an ever-present experience for me.
So when people come to tell me their stories, I feel like my head is being shoved into some black mush, and I cant make out anything any more. They ask my advice about what to do (Mother laughs). So now I almost invariably answer, Do whatever you like, it doesnt matter! (Mother laughs.)
Voil.
***
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