classes ::: Agenda Vol 02, The Mother, Satprem, Integral Yoga, chapter,
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object:1961-05-19
book class:Agenda Vol 02
author class:The Mother
author class:Satprem
subject class:Integral Yoga
class:chapter


1961 Fri 19 May
May 19, 1961

(During the work, the difficulty of competently translating Sri Aurobindo comes up.)

Something is inevitably lost in translating; we translate, we lose something.

Not somethinga great deal. A great deal.

The more I see these texts, the more. At first I had the impression of a certain nebulous quality in the English text, and that precisely this quality could be used to introduce the spirit of another language. Now I see that this nebulousness was in my head! It was not in what he wrote.

Yes, I see what you meantheres a sense in the way it is put.

Every word, mon petit! Every word and the POSITION of the word in the sentenceeven the position of an adverb has a fundamental importance for the meaning. All the finesse, all the profound wisdom evaporates in translation, and finally we express only platitudes by comparisonplatitudes. They are not platitudes compared to ordinary intellect, but they are platitudes compared to the kind of keen PRECISION with which Sri Aurobindo discerns things.

And the trouble is that if one translates literally, into poor French, it doesnt yield the deeper sense either, because that also considerably demolishes the meaning.

If we want to translate literally its as much a mistranslation as translating freely.

Yes, yes! Actually only one thing would doto have his genius!

Yes, we have to rethink it all.

(Laughing) Its the only solution!

Personally, I dont see at all how to write this book on Sri Aurobindo. The further I go, the more it seems to me.

That is another matter. After all, you are writing it for people who know nothing.

Yes, I agree, but still.

And despite everything, our translations of Sri Aurobindo are superior to those published in France; because those translations you know.

Its an absolute betrayal.

Oh, the translations by H. and company are appalling!

Its a betrayal. A betrayal.

Yes, and done with such self-assurance! Imperturbable.

Not very long ago I met someone from France who told me, Personally, you understand, I had no wish at all to read Sri AurobindoSri Aurobindo translated by H.: no, thank you. And then he read some things translated here. Ah, he said, that makes a difference!

But still, I am not satisfied.

Anyway, what can we do, poor creatures like us! (Laughing) We do our best, thats all.
***

(Later, Satprem wanted to read certain past conversations to Mother for her to add to her Agenda. Mother refused to listenit wasnt the first time, either and lively protestations ensued.)

You dont want to hear them?

I dont find it very interesting, mon petit!

Obviously, for you its a review. But it is absorbingly interestingno doubt about it.

I mean there is nothing sensational, interesting to recount. Its a minuscule labor, minute to minute, like oh, its not even like cutting a path through a virgin forest, because a virgin forest is pleasant to look at! But this. Its almost like laying stones together to build a road. Every day and all the time, night and day and at any moment whatsoever, there are tiny, tiny things, tiny things, tinyits not interesting.

There are successive curves, each second of which would have to be noted down; and in the course of one of these curves, something is suddenly found. For example, at the beginning of The Yoga of Self-Perfection, Sri Aurobindo reviews other yogas, beginning with Hatha Yoga. I had just translated this when I remembered Sri Aurobindo saying that Hatha Yoga was very effective but that it amounted to spending your whole life training your body, which is an enormous time and effort spent on something not essentially very interesting. Then I looked at it and said to myself, But after all, (I was looking at life as it is, as people ordinarily live it) one spends at least 90% of ones life merely to PRESERVE ones body, to keep it going! All this attention and concentration on an instrument which is put to hardly any use. Anyway, I was looking at it with that attitude, when suddenly all the cells of my body responded, in such a spontaneous and WARM way. How to say it? Something so so moving. They told me, But its the Lord who is looking after Himself in us! Each one was saying: But its the Lord who is looking after Himself in us!

It was truly lovely. Then I gave my reason a good poke: How stupid can you be! You always forget the essential.

It was very spontaneous and quite lovely.

So there you are-things like that happen, one thing or another, but its nothing.

(silence)

This feeling was so warm, so intimate, so I dont know how to express it. At once so soft and so powerful and so. Oh, it was concrete! The whole atmosphere, the whole atmosphere became solidall, all had the taste of the Lord. I dont know how to make it clear. It was quite material, as if you had a mouthful of it, everything was full of itit was like that. In such a PHYSICAL way! Like. You might compare it to the most delicious taste you could ever haveit was the sense of touch and of tastevery, very material. It was like closing your hand on something solidsuch a warm, soft vibration, and SO STRONG, so powerful, so concrete!

It is evidently proof of an evolution in this direction, within this whole cluster of cells, but.

Finally, we want something else.

Finally, what we want is (long silence) its something like an absolute in the presence, the action, the consciousness, which annuls this (here Mother makes a gesture whichperhapsexpresses a distance, a separation, or an exchange between two distinct things). It can hardly be called a duality any more, but all the same there is something which sees and which feels. And thats what is irritating.

I do sense that all, all in me is reaching for ONE thing: You, You alone, let there be only You One cannot say I(there is always a misunderstanding with that idiotic I), but it isnt You, it isnt I it is one single thing. Let THAT be, and nothing else.

As long as its not THAT, ah! Yes, we are paving the road.

Its not entertaining to talk about.

Yes, its important.

(long silence)

Its night and day and day and night, when I see people, when I dont see them.

When I am all alone, its wonderful! As soon as this body is left all alone, oh! it melts, it melts. There are no more limits, it is content: Oh, at last I can cease to be!

And then truly, truly it forgets itself; truly it passes on to something else.

But all the rest of the time. From morning to evening, letters to read, things to organize, people to see. And at night, every time I come out of my trance there is a swarm of things here (gesture around the head) waiting to be heard, demanding attention.

Sometimes there are amusing thingsif I were to note down all I see! There are things things which dont appear as they are in ordinary life, but as they ARE when seen with a slightly more clairvoyant eyeits rather amusing. But it amounts to nothing-a sort of distraction.

And all the time the body says. You know, its marvelous-all the time, whenever I grumble or grouse, it says, But its for Me, its Me, its Me, its for Me like that. Dont forget, its for Me, its Me, its Me bringing in the people, its Me organizing, its Me making them ask things, it is Me.Very well. So I tweak my ears or pull my hair and say to myself, How stupid!

(silence)

This was the first time I had this experience. It was much more substantial than the physical contact, which, as I told you, I had already had.1 It was much more material, and related to taste. It was as if the whole atmosphere and all the things in it were a marvelous food an ecstatic nourishment.

I had already had the experience for the sense of smell the divine vibration, the vibration of Ananda in odors. Just under my window, you know, Nripendra has his kitchen, where every morning and afternoon food is prepared for the children2it all comes wafting up on gusts of air. And when the Samadhi tree is in flower, the scent wafts up to me on gusts of air; when people burn incense down below, it comes wafting up here on gusts of aireach and every fragrance (fragrancelets say odor). And generally it all comes while I am walking for my japaan Ananda of odors, each one with its meaning, its expression, its (how to say it?) its motivation and its goal. Marvelous! And there are no longer any good or bad odors that notion is gone completely. Each one has its meaningits meaning and its raison dtre. I have been experiencing this for a long time.

But this experience of taste was completely new. It didnt last long, only a few minutes, because it amazed me so! It was as if I had a mouthful of the most marvelous foods one could imagine. And my hands were gathering it up in the atmosphere it was so funny!

The body is obviously being prepared for something.

But this body is still much too open to peoples mental formations, so it has to struggle against oh!

Thats my reproach to itwhy does it struggle? Why, suddenly, do I have a terrible fatigue falling over me and have to brace myself? The body, naturally, does only one thingit automatically repeats the mantra; then all becomes quiet, all is set in order. But why is this effort necessary? It should be done automatically [the sweeping away of bad vibrations]. Why is there a need to remember or to put up a struggle? Oh, a battle!

Its not the body complaining, it doesnt complain at all I am the one who complains! I think that its doing its best, but its thwarted by this type of (one can scarcely speak of a mind) this kind of mind-like activity in matter3 interfering. t is sordid. I havent yet been able to eliminate it completely.

There are moments when its brought to a dead halt. Oh, sometimes while I walk for the japa everything is held like this (gesture of all being dominated from above and immobilized), inflexibly.

But then the difficulty is that for the ordinary consciousness and unfortunately I am surrounded by a lot of people who have a very ordinary consciousness (at least it seems very ordinary to me, although from the human standpoint they are probably rather remarkable people)for the ordinary consciousness I seem to be in a stupor, a coma, a state of imbecility, of yes, of torpor. It has all those appearances. Something which becomes immobile, unresponsive, stopped short (same gesture as before); one can no longer think, one can no longer observe, one can no longer react, one can no longer do anything, one is like that (same gesture). But all these things keep coming from outside, all the time, coming and trying to interrupt that state; yet if I manage to prevent this, if I can keep this condition, after a while it becomes something so MASSIVE! So concrete in its power, so massive in its immobility, ohh! It must lead somewhere.

But I could not remain in that state long enough (it would have to go on for HOURS), I could not, due to all these constant interruptions. And then, when the body is pulled brusquely out of it, it seems to lose its balanceit has a few difficult moments.

I understand people who choose to leave! But thats not what is wanted of me! I should have enough flexibility so that the two can exist together (gesture expressing the interlocking or the fusion of the two worlds).

(silence)

If you only knew (because the perception, the conscious perception Ive had it for years and years, but it is becoming more and more keen and precise), if you could perceive this atmosphere I am made to breathe, mon petit! (gesture around the head) The foolishness, the stupidity, the nastiness, the inanity. It is full, full of all thatfull. One cannot brea the without breathing that!

Not to mention the letters people write.

They say I have become deaf. I believe its the Lords grace, because when I make an effort to hear what is being said to me, nine times out of ten its completely useless and its absolutely stupid. Its better not to hear!

So there, mon petitand I said I wasnt going to talk! Its always the same thing.

It doesnt matter.

You have to suffer for it (laughing), having to listen to all that!

Not at all! It seems bizarre [this atmosphere Mother is made to breathe] But no, I understand. Understand I mean I appreciate.

(silence)

When these promised things are achieved, then something like a Power will comepersonally I dont consider that I have power. For the moment its nothing. It is NOTHING. My conception of Power is that when this must be comes into the consciousness, well, it MUST be. But its not like that now. All the other forces, the other movements of consciousness, enter and interfere,4 and the usual mess results; there is a little bit of that, a bit of this, a bit of the otherin short, an approximation. Sometimes it works, but then it is.

The movement of initiating the action always proceeds in the same wayas something imperatively SEEN. Consequently, it should ALWAYS have an effect; but all kinds of things enter and cause a disturbance. So I dont call that Powerits too haphazard. But dont worry yourself over all this chatter.

Oh, listen!

Experience of January 24, 1961.

This refers to the Ashram dispensary, managed by Dr. Nripendra.

The physical mind.

Mother is alluding in particular to the physical mind ('this kind of mind-like activity in matter').

***


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