classes ::: Agenda Vol 01, The Mother, Satprem, Integral Yoga, chapter,
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object:1960-07-26 - Mothers vision - looking up words in the subconscient
book class:Agenda Vol 01
author class:The Mother
author class:Satprem
subject class:Integral Yoga
class:chapter


1960 Tue 26 July
July 26, 1960

I woke up at three oclock (what I mean is, I came out of my nightly activities). I had an hour ahead of me before getting up. So I concentrated and went within.

I came out of the concentration at 4:10quite late. For I was VERY busy! I was in some sort of small house similar to my room, but it was at the top of a tower, for you could see the landscape from above. It was similar to my room here, with large windows. And I was much taller than I actually am, for there was a ledge below each window (there was a cupboard below each window, as in my room), and this ledge came quite low on me; in my room, it comes up to my chest, whereas it was much lower in my vision. And from there oh, what beautiful landscapes! It was surrounded by such lovely countryside! There was a flowing river, woods, sunlightoh, it was really lovely! And I was very busy looking up words in the dictionary!

I had taken out a dictionary. There, its this one, I said. Someone was next to me, but this someone is always symbolic: each activity takes on a special form which may resemble someone or other. (The people around me for the work here are like families in those worlds there; they are types, that iseach person represents a typeso then I know that Im in contact with all the people of this same type. If they were conscious, they would know that I was there telling them something in particular. But its not a person, its a type and not a type of character, but a type of activity and relationship with me.)

I was with a certain type, and I was looking for a word, I wanted to conjugate the verb vaincre [to conquer]: je vaincs, tu vaincs, il vaincgood, now nous vainquons, how do you spell that, nous vainquons? It was so funny! And I was looking it up in the dictionaryvainquons, how do you spell that?

And at the same time, I had the feeling of something completely arbitrary, and all this kind of knowledge seemed so unreala completely arbitrary convention corresponding to nothing luminous anywhere.

I was very oh, I was very, very anxious to know how je vaincs, tu vaincs goes nous vainquons, vous vainquez. And I woke up at 4:15 without having found it in the dictionary!

Then when I woke up, I immediately said to myself, Hmm, its truehow would I spell that? It took me half a minute to remember. It was really funny!

Coming at the end of the night as it did, it means that its an exploration in some part or another of a subconscious mental activity. And you can make so many discoveries there it is unbelievable! But its lovely. And rarely unpleasant. There was a time when it was very unpleasant, oppressive, full of effort and resistance. I would want to go somewhere, but it would be impossible; I toiled and struggled, but everything would go wrong the straight paths would suddenly plunge into an abyss, and Id have to cross the abyss. For years it was like that. Just recently, I looked back over this whole period But now it is over. Now its something its lovely, its enjoyable, its a little it has a childlike simplicity.

However, its not a personal subconscient, but a its more than the Ashram. For me, the Ashram is not a separate individualityexcept in that vision the other day,1 which is what surprised me. Its hardly that. Rather, it is still this Movement of everything, of everything that is included. So its like entering into the subconscient of the whole earth, and it takes on forms which are quite familiar images to me, but they are absolutely symbolic and very, very funny! It took a moment to see that vainquons is spelled q-u-o-n-s. And I wasnt sure! I meant to ask Pavitra for a dictionary which gives verb conjugations, for then if Im stuck on something while writing, I can look it up.

The other day I wrote somethingit was a letter I gave Pavitra to read. I think theres a spelling mistake, he said. Its quite possible, I answered, I make plenty of them. He looked it up in a splendid dictionary and, as a matter of fact, it was a mistake. I meant to ask him for a dictionary this morning.

Its very simple, actually; its a convention, a conventional construction somewhere in the subconscious brain, and you write automatically. But if you want to try to bring the light of a slightly higher reason into it, its terrible. It becomes meaningless, and you forget everything.

You have to be inside this automatic convention to remember; its very difficult (Mother laughs). So I make a lot of spelling mistakes (under her breath, in a mischievous tone) I think Ill ask him for his dictionary (laughter)!

Vaincre! I wanted to write to someone to proclaim the Victory. The idea was very clear, it was really lovely. Then, in a second, I was stoppedHow do you spell vainquons? And how do you spell vaincs? The person next to me didnt know a thingnothing. Its spelled v-a-i-n, he said. So I said, No, I dont think so! (laughter) It went on like that, you know, it was so funny!

Are you good at spelling?

Oh, it depends. When I dont pay attention, its all right. I usually dont make mistakesnot too many!

Yes, yes; its quite automatic, a kind of convention somewhere. But if you have the misfortune to step out of that and to look at it, its finished, you dont know anything any more.

The vision of July 12, 1960.

***


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1960-07-26_-_Mothers_vision_-_looking_up_words_in_the_subconscient

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