object:1914_05_19p
book class:Prayers And Meditations
author class:The Mother
subject class:Integral Yoga
class:chapter
1914 Tue 19 May
May 19, 1914
This mental being which throughout my individual existence had the power to set all my faculties working: deep devotion for Thee, infinite compassion for men, ardent aspiration for knowledge, effort for self-perfectionseems to have fallen into a deep sleep and no longer sets anything at all in movement. All the individual faculties slumber and the consciousness is not yet fully awake in the transcendent states; that is, its wakefulness in them is intermittent and in between there is sleep. Something in this being aspires for solitude and absolute silence for a little while, so as to come out of this unsatisfactory transition; and something else knows that it is Thy will that this instrument be consecrated to the service of all, even if this must apparently be harmful to its self-perfecting.
Something in this being tells Thee, O Lord:
I know nothing,
I am nothing,
I can do nothing,
I am in the darkness of inconscience.
And something else knows that it is Thyself and thus the supreme perfection.
What is going to come out of that? How will such a state come to an end? Whether it is inertia or true patience, I do not know; but without haste or desire I lie at Thy feet and wait.
***
May 18, 1914
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