object:1914_04_20p
book class:Prayers And Meditations
author class:The Mother
subject class:Integral Yoga
class:chapter
1914 Mon 20 April
April 20, 1914
After having hoped so much, after having believed that my outer being was at last to become an instrument adapted to Thy purpose, after feeling hopeful that I would at last be delivered from this obscure and cumbersome self, I feel I am as far from the goal as before, as ignorant, as egoistic as I was before this great expectation. And the path stretches out once again, interminable across the fields of inconscience. The sublime door has closed again and I find myself still on the threshold of the sanctuary without being able to enter within. But I have learnt to look at everything with a smile and a tranquil heart. I ask only this of Thee, O my divine Master, not to let me make any mistakes; even if the instrument is still condemned for a time to unconsciousness, grant that it may let itself be guided faithfully and docilely by Thy divine law.
I bow to Thee, O Lord, with a deep and pure devotion. Oh! Be the sovereign Master of all hearts.
***
April 19, 1914
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