object:0.07 - Letters to a Sadhak
book class:Some Answers From The Mother
author class:The Mother
subject class:Integral Yoga
class:chapter
Series Seven
Series Seven
Letters to a Sadhak
To the sadhak who was the dentist at the Sri Aurobindo Ashram
during the 1930s and then served from 1938 to 1950 as one of
Sri Aurobindo’s personal attendants.1
To talk of surrender is easy, very easy indeed. To think of
surrender in all its complexity is not so easy, it is not so
easy at all. But to achieve even the beginning of a genuine
surrender of self — oh, how difficult it is, Mother!
There are many things wrong with me, I know. But
there must be something fundamentally wrong. What is
it, Mother?
Nothing special to you. It is the same difficulty that exists for all
human beings: the pride and blindness of the physical mind.
8 July 1935
*
There is an old Hindu belief that one should not lie down
or sleep with one’s head towards the North. Has it got
any real significance, Mother?
Many things have been said on the subject but, as far as my own
experience goes, I do not attach much importance to that belief.
24 March 1936
*
This correspondence was written entirely in English.
A prayer:
“O Lord, awaken my entire being that it may be for Thee
the needed instrument, the perfect servant.”
27 March 1936
*
Has X spoken to you about some influence of Saturn he
has found in my horoscope? I forgot to ask you about it
on my birthday.
Yes, he spoke to me about it. But you must know that yoga frees
us from subjection to the horoscope; the horoscope expresses
the position one has in relation with the material world, but by
the sadhana we get free from the slavery to that world.
14 September 1936
*
I know that the work I get nowadays is often very slight.
But I submit reports about it because once you expressed
a desire that I should do so.
Yes, I like to receive the book from you. It helps to keep the
contact materially.
5 December 1936
*
I am getting tired of taking and taking, and giving nothing in return. It is almost indecent. But, then, I do not
know what I can do unless it is to pray to you to deliver
me from myself.
From your mother you can always take, it is quite natural, especially when things are given to you full-heartedly — and am I
not your mother who loves you?...
3 January 1937
*
Series Seven – To a Sadhak
Will you say to your cousin that I know only one way out of all
troubles and difficulties; it is entire self-giving and consecration
to the Divine.
13 November 1937
*
What a letter you have written to Y, Mother! You will
turn my head some day, if it is not turned already! But,
I know, it is only to give her confidence.
No, I always mean what I say.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
4 May 1938
*
Eternal Mother,
I have sunk very low in my consciousness and you
seem farther away than ever. You are the Infinite Mother
of all your creation and many are your children. But
your Grace is our sole refuge and to whom shall we
turn but to you for our protection? But may your Grace
now intervene in a more overt form so that my earthly
eyes can see and understand somewhat of its working in
spite of the dull and heavy veil which lies thick upon
them. And may your Grace open up fully the lotus
of my heart so that I may be blessed with a vision
of your soul-captivating Presence in the full glory of
its enrapturing beauty and goodness and sweetness, so
that all my impurities be washed out, and restlessness
of the mind and stormy uprisings of passions laid at
rest.
I commend my soul to your keeping.
Yet I feel you much closer to me and I see in you an opening
that was never there before. It seems to me that soon you will
discover, behind the apparent dryness of the surface, the always
burning flame of a conscious Love.
Blessings.
4 July 1938
*
Z has told me that you have received complaints against
me for hurting people’s feelings.
I know that it is only the weak who complain. The strong never
do because they can’t be hurt. So I never attach much importance
to complaints.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
9 October 1938
*
(In his notebook the sadhak drew a simple pencil sketch
of a foot extended to touch a lotus.) Please excuse me
for spoiling the book with this very crude offering.
Nothing to excuse, all is in the spirit of the offering....
Love and blessings to my dear child.
14 October 1938
*
Has the psychic flame any correspondence to the Vedic
Agni? They seem to have more or less the same leading
qualities.
Yes, these are two names for the same thing.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
20 October 1938
*
Series Seven – To a Sadhak
Lead me to thy own home in Truth, Mother. I offer
thee my will of progressive submission and increasing
adoration.
The way is opened, my dear child, and I am waiting for you
with my arms wide to receive and enfold you affectionately —
with my love and blessings.
22 October 1938
*
Life of my life, I also want to come to you; for, in your
arms alone will I have peace and joy and Ananda and
the true truth and fulfilment of my life and being. But
still, O my Shining Light, the way is not clear to me. And
how shall I be ever able to climb to your dizzying heights
with the heavy chains of a mortal’s nature pulling at my
feet?
Let me carry you in my arms and the climbing will become easy.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
25 October 1938
*
How shall I ever repay you for your exquisite act of
Love, Mother? How did you know it was the inmost
desire of my heart? You are very, very adorable and very,
very kind to your little child who loves you and is happy.
My very dear child, live in my love, feel it, be filled with it and
be happy — nothing can please me more than that.
Most affectionately.
28 October 1938
*
I am your child first and last and this work has no other
value for me except that through it I can serve your will,
except that through it I can grow to be a better and truer
child to you, O my beloved Mother.
Yes, you are my child and it is true that of all things it is the most
important.... Dear child, I am always with you and my love and
blessings never leave you.
31 October 1938
*
On my last birthday, your parting words to me were:
“Keep your faith.” I am still wondering what exactly
you meant, dear Mother. What kind of faith would you
like me to aspire for?
Faith in the Divine’s Grace and its power to transform you.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
4 November 1938
*
Dear, dear, dear Mother,
Every day you are growing more and more lovable
and more and more adorable to me. By what divine
Mystery do you cast this sweet spell on us?
The only mystery, the only spell is my love — my love which is
spread over my children and calls down upon them the Divine’s
Grace to help and to protect.
6 November 1938
*
You send me your love and blessings every day of late,
dear Mother, and in rare blessed moments I do sense that
we are always surrounded by your love. But as for a real
response, my heart does seem to be made of stone; otherwise, why should it refuse to open itself to such a love?
Series Seven – To a Sadhak
Nothing can resist the steady action of love. It melts all resistances and triumphs over all difficulties...
Love and blessings to my dear child.
9 November 1938
*
I know your love and blessings are always with me and
I sometimes wish you had not been so invariably kind
and gracious to me. For it makes it still more hard for
me to tell you that there are difficulties of my nature
which make it difficult for me to accept you and your
Yoga in the requisite spirit. And without this, what is
discipleship?
It is not as a Guru that I love and bless, it is as the Mother who
asks nothing in return for what she gives.
9 July 1939
*
Mataji,
It was very sweet of you to tell me that yours was
the love of the Mother who does not ask for anything
in return. That is all right for you, for yours is a selffulfilled life. But I have yet to achieve everything, yet to
satisfy my human existence. I have yet to know my soul
and my Self, to know and love the Divine Godhead and
fulfil Her in my life and to know the worlds, if it is Her
Will that I should do so. But above all, I must have the
Darshan of the World-Mother, Adya Shakti Mahakali.
She will know what is best for me. Then how can I do
without a Guru who will lead me to Her Feet?
I do not see anybody in the world more qualified than Sri
Aurobindo to lead you to the feet of the Mahashakti.
With my love and blessings.
16 July 1939
*
My dear child,
Your good and kind letter has made me happy.
Last night, in silence, I told you, “To arrive at that to which
you aspire, the way is Love and the goal too is Love” — is it not
the best answer to your letter?...
With my love and blessings.
17 July 1939
*
There happen to be bad sons now and then, but a bad
mother never.
But what a joy and love it is when both mother and son are
good!
My love and blessings to my dear (good) child.
27 July 1939
*
I know you mean well, but to be good, truly good, may
be possible only for those who have gone beyond all
egoism. But if my Mother chooses to see only the good
in her child, that only speaks of the goodness of the
Mother’s heart.
My child’s heart is filled with love and light from the Divine; let
them shine throughout your whole being and the clouds, if any,
will soon disappear.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
28 July 1939
*
(The sadhak received a jar of pickles from the Mother.)
You overwhelm me with your love, dear Mother. I know
I do not deserve one iota of the kindness you show to
me. What shall I say to you, you whose very nature is an
Series Seven – To a Sadhak
overwhelming divine love? Your love itself is a priceless
gift. Why then these other gifts?
There is a great joy in giving; there is a still greater joy in pleasing
those we love... and when you will eat the pickles you may
remember me and think, Mother loves me...
Love and blessings to my dear child.
6 August 1939
*
Dear, dear, dear Mother,
I send you heaps and heaps of love. In the lotus of my
heart may I have your lotus feet permanently installed
on a throne of love.
My dear loving child,
Your heart is quite a sweet place because of your love — let
me remain always there so that I may fill your whole being with
light and love and joy.
My love and blessings.
8 August 1939
*
O Devi, O Mother!
In the secret recesses of my heart’s chamber I have
always been aware of an instinctive belief that you are an
Avatar of the Divine Mother whom I adore, but whom
I know not except by Her lotus-feet. That is the reason
why my eyes seek Her in your lotus-feet, and my heart
yearns to press them to itself knowing them as its sole
refuge.
My dear, dear child, let the Light of a conscious certitude and the
joy of an everlasting Presence be always with you — concretely
— in the sweetness of love divine.
10 August 1939
*
Will you kindly tell me, dear Mother, if you love me
truly and genuinely in spite of my poor humanity or
is it all an experiment? I feel ashamed to pose such
a question to you, but I hear the word “experiment”
used so often and in such a variety of ways that I feel
frightened and would like to hear from you personally
if you are not merely experimenting with us? Praying to
be excused.
My dear child,
Well — the best thing you could do is not to listen to what
people say; it would save you from many falls of consciousness.
This afternoon when I looked at you in silence I told you, “Be
faithful to your love.” I suppose this is a sufficient answer and
you do not expect me to justify my love in front of the foolish
ignorance of such interpretations. Whether you believe or doubt,
my love and blessings are with you.
12 August 1939
*
Dear Mother,
I apologise humbly for my query yesterday and pray
to be forgiven for my stupidity.
O! How could I question your love, you who are
the soul of truth and love and goodness?
My dear child,
I knew that it was a passing mood and that you would soon
come out of it — but let this love and this truth be your shield
and protect you against the intrusion of any force of falsehood.
My love and blessings will lead you to the goal.
13 August 1939
*
Series Seven – To a Sadhak
My very dear child,
If only you could keep always your inner happiness, it would
please me immensely and help you very much on the way.
My love and blessings to you, dear child.
17 August 1939
*
Your love for me is my true refuge and sole strength.
What I offer you, my Mother, is a turbid mixture of
which I am ashamed but which you alone can purify.
My very dear child,
Whatever is the nature of the offering, when it is made with
sincerity it always contains a spark of divine light which can
grow into a full sun and illuminate the whole being. You can be
sure of my love, you can be sure of my help, and our blessings
19 August 1939
are always with you.
*
How extremely lovable you are, dear Mama! Is there
anyone like you in the whole world? LOVE.
Love, love, love to my very dear child; all the joy, all the light,
all the peace of the divine love and also my loving blessings.
20 August 1939
*
Dearest Mama,
I have returned the pot of pickles but I still have
the pickles, and whenever I see them I remember you
and say to myself, “The Mother loves me.” On the crest
of a great wave of love the gift came to me and I felt
the presence of the ocean which projected that wave.
With that pot in hand when you called me, do you
know of whom I was thinking? I was thinking of Kali
standing before me ready to give a boon! In fact, I was
invoking Her and there you were with the pot of pickles
and an ocean of Love! Such is your play, dear playful
Mother!
Indeed, that day I had heard you distinctly calling me and I
wanted to answer very concretely to your call... My love and
blessings to my very dear child.
24 August 1939
*
You were asking me this morning what was the matter
with me. It is the same old thing, but nonetheless distressing. It is civil war, a conflict between two different
tendencies and ideals, a pull from two different types
of leadership, the Deva type and the saint type (not in
the western sense), a war on all fronts, the mental, the
vital and the physical. But I am deeply sensible of your
kindness, my Mother, and grateful too.
There is no contradiction that cannot be solved and harmonised
in a synthesis if you rise high enough in the intuitive mind and
yours is not at all irreducible. I am sure that one day you will
find this out.
My love and blessings.
27 August 1939
*
Life of my life! My own sweetest Mama!
Accept my love and forgive me my lapses — as you
have been doing for so many years. I expect these moods
will come and go. But may I never lose sight of your
luminous smiling face through all these passing clouds!
My very dear child,
I truly hope you will soon be out of all your troubles. Just
one good jump to the higher consciousness where all problems
Series Seven – To a Sadhak
are solved and you will get rid of your difficulties. I never feel
that I am forgiving. Love does not forgive, it understands and
cures.
My love and blessings always.
28 August 1939
*
Let divine love be your goal.
Let pure love be your way.
Be always true to your love and all difficulties will be conquered.
Love and blessings to my dear child.
9 September 1939
*
My dear loving Mother,
In my birthday book Sri Aurobindo has written,
“Rise into the higher Consciousness, let its light control
and transform the nature.” Some time back you wrote to
me, “One good jump to the higher consciousness where
all problems are solved and you will get rid of your difficulties.” Now what exactly is this higher consciousness
and how may I rise or jump into it? And again you have
said, “Let divine love be your goal. Let pure love be your
way. Be always true to your love and all difficulties will
be conquered.” Is this higher consciousness the same
thing as a state of pure love and, if so, how would it be
related to a state of higher knowledge?
The higher Consciousness is a state of pure love but it is also a
state of pure openness to divine knowledge. There is no opposition there between these two kindred things; it is the mind that
makes them separate.
The best way to get to it is to refuse all mental agitation when
it comes, also all vital desires and turmoils, and to keep the mind
and heart turned as constantly as possible towards the Divine.
The love for the Divine is the strongest force for doing this.
My love and blessings.
19 October 1939
*
Beloved!
Why did the Mother choose this frail vessel for Her
abode? I know that so long as She chooses to make her
abode here, sooner or later poor me will have to abdicate
in favour of Her Imperial Majesty and till that day comes
there will be no rest for poor me.
My dear child,
So, the best thing to do is to abdicate at once and to get
rest, peace and joy. When you have to get rid of an obstinate
resistance, you must not make more delay than when you have
to pull out a bad tooth.
Inside, outside and everywhere is the help of the Mother...
with her love and blessings.
28 October 1939
*
Dear Mother,
Your love for poor me is still my lodestar and I am
grateful.
My dear child,
My love wants to lead you to the goal and it is bound to
succeed.
With my blessings.
29 March 1940
*
Series Seven – To a Sadhak
Dear Mother,
I thank you very much for all your kindness and
compassion and solicitude and love which I do not deserve. And yet, although I feel a personal tie with you
which I expect is psychic, I still do not feel that I want
this Yoga very badly. I still do not feel about this ideal
the way I used to feel for the old ideal of liberation. The
path, the ideal you represent, your values still leave me
very cold. I still do not feel at home here. I do not know
what I should do. And time waits for no one. Please
excuse me, but I feel tired of having to wage a constant
war against my whole outer being. And, anyway, it seems
too late now to begin at the beginning and teach myself
to ask for a new ideal, the realisation of which seems
none too near.
That which the Divine has destined for each of us — that will be.
My love and blessings to my dear child.
29 June 1940
*
Your answer to my letter of July 22, which you kindly
meant to reassure me, did not reassure me.2 Why is that
so, Mother? Perhaps you do not approve of my tone;
perhaps you are dissatisfied with my disability; possibly
you are getting tired of me altogether. If so, I would not
be surprised, I would not blame you. For I am myself
tired of the problem called me.
If it is not going to make any difference to your
love and kindness, as you assure me it won’t, I would
rather like to keep this sum of money and to keep up
this arrangement. But if you do mind, kindly tell me
The sadhak asked if he could accept money sent to him by relatives. The Mother
answered: “My dear child, you can be sure of my love and blessings.”
so in words which I can understand and I will drop it.
So please rest assured that I can drop this scheme if it
displeases you.
My dear child,
It does not displease me in the least. If I did not answer to
what you wrote about it the other day, it is because I did not
attach much importance to it. My sentence meant simply that
my love is capable of understanding and that my blessings do
not depend on such surface movements.
I can add today that I am not at all tired of the “problem
called me” and that I remain convinced that it will be solved
successfully....
With my love and blessings.
25 July 1940
*
My dear child,
Whenever you require spiritual help I am always there to
give you that help under whatever form it can take.
With my love and blessings.
9 September 1941
*
My dear child,
Let this year bring you the power to smile in all circumstances. For, a smile acts upon difficulties as the sun upon the
clouds — it disperses them.
With my love and blessings.
9 September 1942
*
My dear child, here is the programme for this year: Unify your
whole being around your highest consciousness and do not let
your mind work at random. Doubt is not a sport to indulge in
Series Seven – To a Sadhak
with impunity: it is a poison which drop by drop corrodes the
soul.
With my love and blessings.
9 September 1943
*
The Divine’s Grace is there — open your door and welcome it.
With my love and blessings.
9 September 1944
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