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object:0.06 - 1956
book class:Agenda Vol 1
class:chapter


January (?) 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry
Mother, I invoke the Presence of Mahakali to break all my RESISTANCES, my INERTIA, my discouragement. Rather painful shocks than this tepidness! Or else, why am I here?
O Mother, may the PRESENCE of Mahakali be with me, may She force my whole being towards the Truth, the Light. Burn me, Mother, if I do not know how to love you!
Signed: Bernard

Undated 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry
All artistic creation is born of a question, a conflict, a discord with oneself, mankind or the cosmos.

What painter, what poet, what writer has not wrenched from this conflict the best of his art, from
Michelangelo to Goya, from Van Gogh to Rodin, from Villon to Rimbaud, Baudelaire or
Dostoevski? And the work of art - the painting, novel or poem - is a harmony torn from this disharmony, a conquest over some chaos, a response to a question posed by man - a metamorphosis.

Artistic creation relies upon that which is most unique in man, most singular with respect to others, and it is through this singular uniqueness that the artist achieves his metamorphosis, his recreation of the world; it is through this that he seeks to commune with others, himself and the world.

Now, Yoga seeks to eliminate conflict, problems or questions. Man has to forget all this, to cease being a question.

So when an answer has been given to every question, what place remains for the work of art?
When all is metamorphosized through Transcendence, what place remains for artistic metamorphosis? When all is supreme harmony, can this harmony be expressed otherwise than through silence, a smile, a radiance or 'inspired' poetry - of which Sri Aurobindo is the sole example; even so, his poetry is not drawn from the human level, it surpasses the human, it issues from elsewhere.

Must artistic creation cease being human, then; must it cease relying upon the human? - which
would then mean having to reject so many undeniably great painters, poets or writers? Must one wait to be open to the supramental planes of consciousness before being able to reconcile (assuming such reconciliation is possible) yoga and artistic creation? And, until then, smother all that sustains the creative elan, i.e. the individual, the conflict, that part of oneself which every creator feels to be the purest human part? Must one extinguish in oneself this play of light and shadow from which art derives its highest accents?
Signed: Bernard

January (?) 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry
Mother, I need to unburden myself of all that is wringing my heart, and if the Divine exists somewhere, it is to him that I would like to express my profound disgust. For all this is profoundly scandalous, absurd and revolting. I know that the external world is absurd and that men live in it vainly; but the world of the Ashram is no less absurd, no less vain. 'Someone' is making fun of us,
'someone' is deceiving us - for if truly there is some witness to this tragi-comedy and if this whole world is his 'game,' it is a cruel game and he is a cheater, for he has all the cards in his hand and he pretends to make us play a game in which we are inevitably the losers - a game we cannot play, for we are helpless miserable, without strength, without light.

All our efforts are vain and sadly ridiculous. At each instant we must begin everything anew, one step seems to lead us forward another to draw us back. We desperately turn in circles and sometimes, in our dizziness, we believe we glimpse lights, but these are only the little, dancing lights of our own fatigue, our own weakness. There is no victory, there are only moments of respite.

Meditation brings calm and peace, of course, but so does sleep. We are all seeking release, in love, in opium, in action, in war or in power - or in Yoga; but one means is just as vain as the other.

There is no real solution, there are only more or less effective ways of forgetting for an hour, or a day, that we are men alone and helpless.

It is quite possible, even quite probable, that in another hour or another day, I may feel quite the contrary of what I now write. But the person I am tomorrow does not negate he who I am today, it only makes him more absurd, more unbearably absurd. The one who I am right now, for an hour perhaps, needs to cry out his disgust with this nameless farce. We are puppets, fools, and I am ready to admit that everything is just a state of consciousness - but it is still a fool's state of consciousness. Tomorrow's puppet who might ask for grace from the divine, and believe in him, will still be a puppet, a pacified and resigned puppet - but a marionette no less absurd playing a game no less absurd. I understand those who go about planting dynamite everywhere; if they seek death, it is because they desperately wanted to live but found it impossible to live. One cannot live, one can only flee this intolerable existence in one way or another. Mother, it is impossible for a man
to look at himself straight in the face in a completely lucid way for more than five minutes - IF HE
DID, HE WOULD KILL HIMSELF ... SO I wonder if the divine - if he exists - has ever known the suffering of mankind. If he exists, why doesn't he give men the strength to break out of this
'Magic Circle' in which they keep turning like prisoners in a cell. Twelve years ago, when I was twenty, I was turning in circles in a prison cell in Bordeaux, 21 awaiting some execution or other - but I am still this same prisoner. If I have advanced during these twelve years, it is in despair, in misery. All this is outrageous, scandalous, should the divine exist.

Leave the Ashram? - But the rest of the world is just as absurd. It is man who is absurd, and god
- if he exists - is a pure disgrace. Mother, I am SCANDALIZED, and I feel within me the rebellion and despair of all men who surely have not deserved all this.

Signed: Bernard

Undated 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry
Sweet Mother, with all the sincerity of which I am capable, I am putting before you an important problem (important to me) so that you may help me resolve it. I feel that I am coming to a decisive turning point, but something is preventing me from going any further.

All my past is weighing down on me, not because of any attachments, for I regret NOTHING of my past and my only hope is what lies before me. Yet I have not entirely undergone all this like a marionette, it even seems to me that 'I' have created it, composed it like a book - for the last fifteen years, from the time of the concentration camps, I have consciously multiplied my experiences and have passed through a whole range of rebellions and situations in order to gather the basic material for a book. As it happens, this formulation of 'my' book gradually merged with the search for my real Self. Now I know what I was seeking, but this book has grown with me, it is there like a powerful formation weighing down on me, and it weighs on me all the more now, for since my contact with Sri Aurobindo all my past experiences seem charged with meaning and symbolism. I find your hand in it everywhere, and I can now connect all the apparent coincidences and sift out an extraordinary necessity that has led me here; all this makes a dense, living, vibrant book that weighs on me. I need to cast it all out, to free myself, to write this book.

Not only do I need to liquidate this past, but also to renew my choice, to strengthen my presence here - and I feel this book as a commitment, it will help me set my route in a decisive way. It is a test.

21Satprem was arrested by the Gestapo in Bordeaux in 1943 for resisting the German occupation. He was later sent to
Buchenwald and Mauthausen.


There is another consideration as well - though if I am deluding myself, please enlighten me. I feel that if this book is successful, it could be useful to others and serve Sri Aurobindo's work. For I have had the opportunity to live concretely, the hard way, many of the questions that others ask themselves. Thus all my past experiences appear to be a living demonstration of a teaching to which
Sri Aurobindo is the key. What has already been said abstractly or philosophically, I can say in the form of a living and moving novel. I think that I feel in me the power to express these things.

Sweet Mother, perhaps I am deceiving myself, but I am writing you explicitly so that you may enlighten me. I am not telling you all these things for you to approve of my need to write, but for you to tell me what is your will. I do not want to be 'a writer,' but your child, your instrument.

Only, there is something in me that has to be liquidated.

The problem poses itself practically, for I would need a rather long period of uninterrupted work to be rid of all this. Yet I have carried this book in me for so long that it is ready in every detail - I could finish it in six months. Here, I am too occupied with other things to finish it quickly.

Furthermore, I feel the need to redefine my presence here from an outside perspective. I thought of going to Brewster's lodge in the Himalayas. There, I could continue some of the work I have been doing with Pavitra. It seems to me that I would come back freed and refortified in my purpose for being here.

Sweet Mother, am I deluding myself? What is your will? It is your will that I want, not my desire, and I am sure you will give me the strength to follow your directives, whatever they be.

Enlighten me.

I am your child, gratefully.

Signed: Bernard
P.S. Can this book serve You?

Undated 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry
Sweet Mother, here is what has been happening in me almost every evening: I am literally like a bundle of compressed force that somehow can neither explode nor settle down and dissolve. The heaviness in my chest is such that I breathe with difficulty, as though all the blood in my body were converging there, oppressing me. In my head, the pressure at times is so intense that I dare not even close my eyes or concentrate further, for I feel it could crack. My entire being is so tense and filled with force that it seems it could break physically.

Is this perhaps a dangerous state? Or else is it normal? I would like to know whether this feeling that it could physically crack is a good sign or a bad one. If it is a bad sign, what can be done?

There is certainly some resistance in me, something that fundamentally says 'No,' and I am mentally trying to remain calm, unrebellious, but deep down it resists. I am not at all in search of
'powers,' but is this negative condition enough to avert accidents? Could you enlighten me? What can I do against this deep-rooted resistance?
Your child,
Signed: Bernard
P.S. I sleep more and more poorly.


February 29, 195622
FIRST SUPRAMENTAL MANIFESTATION
(During the common meditationon Wednesday the 29th February 1956)
This evening the Divine Presence, concrete and material, was there present amongst you. I had a form of living gold, bigger than the universe, and I was facing a huge and massive golden door which separated the world from the Divine.

As I looked at the door, I knew and willed, in a single movement of consciousness, that THE
TIME HAS COME', and lifting with both hands a mighty golden hammer I struck one blow, one single blow23 on the door and the door was shattered to pieces.

Then the supramental Light and Force and Consciousness rushed down upon earth in an uninterrupted flow.


22The following text was given by Mother in both French and English.

23Later added by Mother

March 19, 195624
AGENDA OF THE SUPRAMENTAL ACTION ON EARTH
On March 19 during the translation class the inner voice said:
'Hold yourself straight' and the body sat up and held itself absolutely straight during the entire class.


March 20, 195625
(Upon awakening)
The control over the movements of the vertebrae, lost a long time ago (which resulted in a kind of insensitivity and incapacity to move them at will) has returned to a great extent: the consciousness is once again able to express itself and the back can straighten up very visibly.

***
(The same day on the balcony26 )
Almost a total straightening, along with a very clear perception of the new force and power in the cells of the body.


24Note written by Mother in French At this period, Mother's back was already bent. This straightening of her back seems to be the first physiological effect of the 'Supramental Manifestation' of February 29, which is perhaps the reason why Mother noted down the experience under the name 'Agenda of the Supramental Action on Earth.' It was the first time Mother gave a title to what would become this fabulous document of 13 volumes. The experience took place during a 'translation class' when, twice a week, Mother would translate the works of Sri Aurobindo into French before a group of disciples.

25Note written by Mother in French.

26Mother appeared on her balcony daily at about 6 a.m. to give a few moments of meditation to her disciples before the beginning of the day's work.


March 21, 195627
The age of Capitalism and business is drawing to a close.

But the age of Communism, too, will pass. For Communism as it is preached is not constructive, it is a weapon to combat plutocracy. But when the battle is over and the armies are disbanded for want of employment, then Communism, having no more utility, will be transformed into something else that will express a higher truth.

We know this truth, and we are working for it so that it may reign upon earth.


Undated 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry
Sweet Mother, for many long months I have been struggling with myself in a painful conflict, and at times I have even felt certain dangers. Finally, I went within myself, into the calm, and it seemed to me that I would do well to go away for a while.

I had thought I could free myself from this conflict by writing a book. But in fact, it is not the mind that needs to be freed, or at least not only that, it is the vital that needs to WEAR ITSELF
OUT.

I believe I have a clear mental perception of the goal to be attained, and I no longer doubt the spiritual meaning of my life, but this kind of mental maturity is coming into conflict with a vital that is too 'young' and has not yet worn itself out enough on the open road. Here, this vital force has become even more concentrated and is unable to free itself. It is undoubtedly a question of time, of aging. Thus all my energy, especially during the past year, has been spent 'negatively,' as it were - in an effort not to leave. This struggle seems to have eliminated all positive effort, even the very meaning of my presence here.

This vital force is no longer seeking a sexual fulfillment nor success in a world it no longer believes in, but it needs to 'move,' to come out. Perhaps things would be better if I went to breathe
27Note written by Mother in French.

a bit in the Himalayas? I don't want to do anything without your accord, and were I to leave, it would be after the 15th of August.

Sweet Mother, I am writing you all this calmly, without rebellion; but during these past months, the acuteness of the conflict has become so great that at times I feel myself in danger. I am putting all this before you so that you may tell me what is right.

Sweet Mother, I want to remain your child in spite of these difficulties. Forgive me for taking up your time and for being so poorly surrendered.

Signed: Bernard

April 4, 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry, April 4, 1956
Mother, two months ago I had a clear mental perception of what was asked of me: to spend the rest of my life here. This is the source of my difficulties and of the inner hell I have been living through ever since. Each time I try to emerge, there is this image that rises up in me: your-whole-life - and this casts me into a violent conflict. When I came here, I thought of staying for two or three years; for me the Ashram was a means of realization, not an end.

I understand now that as long as my whole being has not ACCEPTED that it must finish its life here, there is no way out nor any 'recovery' possible. Through my mental force alone, this acceptance is impossible; I have been turning infernally in circles these past two months, and the mind is in league with the vital. Therefore, a force greater than mine must help me accept that my way is here. I need you, Mother, for without you I am lost. I need you to tell me that the Truth of my being is indeed here and that I am truly ready to follow this path. Mother, I beseech you, help me to see the truth of my being, give me some sign that my way is here and not elsewhere. I beg of you, Mother, help me to know.

I also had a very clear sensation that you were abandoning me, that you had no further interest in me and I could just as well do as I pleased. Perhaps you cannot forgive some of my inner rebellions which have been so very violent? Am I totally guilty? Is it true that you are abandoning me?
I am broken and battered in the depths of my being as I was in my flesh in the concentration camps. Will the divine grace take pity on me? Can you, do you want to help me? Alone I can do nothing. I am in an absolute solitude, even beyond all rebellion, at my very end.

Yet I love you in spite of all that I am.

Signed: Bernard
(Mother's reply)

4.4.56
My child, I have not abandoned you, and I am ready to forget, to efface all revolt.

My help is always with you.

Signed: Mother

April 20, 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry, April 20, 1956
Sweet Mother,
The difficulties of the past weeks have taught me that as soon as one strays from the true consciousness, in however trifling a way, anything may happen, any excess, any aberration, any imbalance - and I have felt very dangerous things prowling about me. Mother, you told me in regard to Patrick28 that the law of the manifestation was a law of freedom, even the freedom to choose wrongly. This evening, it has been my very deep perception that this freedom is virtually always a freedom to choose wrongly. I harbor a great fear of losing the true consciousness once again. I have become aware of how fragile everything in me is and that very little would be enough to carry me away.

Therefore, Sweet Mother, I come to ask a great grace of you, from the depths of my heart: take my freedom into your hands. Prevent me from falling back, far away from you. I place this freedom in your hands. Keep me safe, Mother, protect me. Grant me the grace of watching over me and of taking me in your hands completely, like a child whose steps are unsure. I no longer want this
Freedom. It is you I want, the Truth of my being. Mother, as a grace, I implore you to free me from my freedom to choose wrongly.

I am your child and I love you.

Signed: Bernard
(Mother's reply)
4.2 1.56
My dear child,
Agreed - with all my heart I accept the gift you give me of your freedom to choose wrongly ...

28A friend of Satprem's who died insane in a Japanese hospital in India

And it is with all my heart, too, that I shall always help you make the choice that leads straight to the goal - that is, towards your real self.

With all my affection and my blessings.

Signed: Mother

April 23, 1956
Mother takes a passage from Prayers and Meditations of September 23, 1914:
The
Lord hast willed, and
Thou cost execute;
A new
Light shall break upon the earth.

A new world shall be born.

And the things that were promised shall be fulfilled. and rewrites it as follows in her own hand:
29
February
-
29
Thou hast willed, and
A new light breaks
A new world
The things that were promised are fulfilled.29

March
I upon is

Lord, execute: the born.

earth,

April 24, 195630
The manifestation of the Supramental upon earth is no more a promise but a living fact, a reality.

It is at work here, and one day will come when the most blind, the most unconscious, even the most unwilling shall be obliged to recognize it.

29Original English.

30Original English.


Undated 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry
Sweet Mother, I feel intensely, almost painfully, how much all my relationships with the outer world are FALSE, obscure, ignorant. As soon as I am away from the heart of my being, all my actions are approximations, all my contacts with other beings are turbid, my work itself becomes tainted with a thousand doubtful little motives. Mother, I know with a blinding certitude - even if this certitude is only mental - that the only solution is to come into contact with my true being. I know that by finding my true being I shall find the right action, the right relationships with the outside, and truth, knowledge, joy. I know this now in a profound way, and nothing can ever turn me away from it again. Every evening, this Truth comes physically to embrace me. And yet every morning, I have half-forgotten, and I spend nearly the whole day on the surface of my being.

O Mother, when shall my truth of the evening become my truth of the day?
Something HAS to explode in me and take possession of my entire being. It is not my force that can achieve this, but yours. Mother, I beseech you to open in me the doors of my true being. I no longer want this false relationship with the outside, this life of approximation. I want to be your instrument, not the instrument of this ignorant and suffering ego. Mother, I ask only for the true, the
Light, that which is my real self. I have had enough, enough of this surface self that invades virtually all my days.

May your Will be done.

Your child who desperately needs you,
Signed: Bernard
P.S. What is the obstacle?

Undated 1956

(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry
Sweet Mother, I feel it is good to tell you what happened within me yesterday evening during the distribution, if only to express my infinite gratitude.

First of all, I began by feeling, perceiving in an absolutely obvious way, that it is you and you alone who has been doing my yoga, that you have been doing everything for me and that you have been there forever, guiding each one of my steps. I felt luminously that without you I would never have been able to go forward a single step and that, basically, all my efforts have served only to teach me the futility of my efforts, as it were, and to lead me to this point of helplessness where I must totally surrender myself into the hands of a greater Force - into your hands. And I felt so absolutely that you would do EVERYTHING for me if only I relied upon you totally. It was like a liberation, like a weight that you lifted from my heart. No longer was it a question of trying to cling inwardly, of pushing and pulling until I was stiff and aching within; it was enough to let you act.

Then I felt a dual movement enter into me, almost a physical movement that followed the rhythm of my breathing, as though every time I breathed in, I was receiving something, and every time I breathed out, I was offering myself. And this dual movement of receiving and offering seemed to grow within me, as though it were the very movement of the world, the breathing of the world that receives and gives itself. And I perceived that, at a certain moment, this rhythm could stop, the circle close again, the two breaths join in a luminous immobility. Then vaguely, I discerned - as though from far away, behind a veil - a kind of pure, brilliant white light, and saw that it was you at the heart of the world. And then I felt how marvelous it was to be able to give myself. I seemed to have grasped the secret of duality, for the joy of offering, for the joy of love.

Then I felt that I was beginning to mentalize things. In a way, I was afraid of recording too well what was happening, and I held myself out to you in silence and in love, for it seemed to me that the experience could be an obstacle, a stopping place, whereas one must always go farther. Then it seemed that you were there - I did not see you exactly, but I felt, I felt that you were smiling at me as from behind a veil. The distribution ended all too soon, and then I had a class. But even this morning, a kind of joyous confidence in my heart remains with me, and the need to express my infinite gratitude, my love. I belong to you, Mother, with my body, my life, my mind.

I want only what you want.

Everything is grace.

Your child,
Signed: Bernard
P.S. When things of this sort happen, should one bother you by writing about them, or simply be content with an inner gratitude?
(Mother's reply)
It does not bother me at all, and you did well to write. Your experience is excellent, and I was very happy to read it - it shines like a light upon a new horizon.

With you, always.

Signed: Mother

May 2, 1956
(Extract from the Wednesday class)
Sweet Mother, you said, 'The Supramental has come down on earth.' What does this mean, exactly? You also said, 'The things that were promised are fulfilled.' What are these things?
Oh, really! How ignorant! It has been promised for such a very long time, it has been said for such a very long time - not only here in the Ashram, but ever since the beginning of the earth. There have been all kinds of predictions, by all kinds of prophets. It has been said, 'There will be a new heaven and a new earth, a new race shall be born, the world shall be transformed ...' Prophets have spoken of this in every tradition.

You said, 'They are fulfilled.'
Yes. Then?
Where is the new race?
The new race? Wait for something like ... a few thousand years or so, and you will see it!
When the mind came down upon earth, something like a million years went by between the manifestation of the mind in the earth atmosphere and the appearance of the first man. But it will go faster this time because man is waiting for something, he has a vague idea: he is awaiting in some way or another the advent of the superman. Whereas the apes were certainly not awaiting the birth of man, they never thought of it - for the excellent reason that they probably don't think very much!
But man has thought about it and is waiting, so it will go faster. But faster probably still means thousands of years. We shall speak of this again in a few thousand years!
(silence)
Those who are ready within, who are open and in touch with the higher forces, those who have had a more or less direct personal contact with the Supramental Light and Consciousness, are capable of feeling the difference in the earth atmosphere.

But for this ... only like can know like. Only the Supramental Consciousness in an individual can perceive the Supramental acting in the earth atmosphere. Those who, for whatever reason, have developed this perception can see it. But those who are not even remotely conscious of their inner beings, who would be quite at a loss to say what their souls look like, are certainly not ready to perceive the difference in the earth atmosphere. They still have quite a way to go for that. Because, for those whose consciousness is more or less exclusively centered in the outer being - mental, vital and physical - things need to have an absurd or unexpected appearance to be noticeable. And then they call it a miracle.

But we do not call a miracle the constant miracle of the forces that intervene to change circumstances and human natures and which have very far-reaching consequences, for we see only the appearance, and this appearance seems quite natural. But in truth, if you were to reflect upon the
least thing that happens, you would be forced to acknowledge that it is miraculous.

It is simply because you do not reflect upon it and assume things to be as they are, what they are, unquestioningly; otherwise you would have quite a number of opportunities everyday to say to yourself, 'But look! That is absolutely amazing! How did it happen?'
Quite simply, the habit of a purely superficial way of seeing.

Sweet Mother, what should be our attitude towards this New Consciousness?
That depends upon what you want to do with it.

If you want to look at it as an object of curiosity, then you have only to look at it, to try to understand.

If you want it to change you, you must open yourself and strive to progress.

Will we benefit collectively or individually from this new manifestation?
Why are you asking this question?
Because a lot of people have come here, and they are asking, 'How are we going to benefit from it?'
Oh!
And why should they benefit from it? What entitles them to benefit from it? Simply because they took the train to come here?
I knew some people who came here a long time ago, something like (Oh, I don't recall anymore, but quite a long time ago!), certainly more than twenty years ago; the first time someone died in the
Ashram, they expressed a considerable dissatisfaction: 'But I came here because I thought this yoga would make me immortal! If you can still die, then why did I come here?'
Well, it's the same thing. People take the train to come here - there were about a hundred and fifty more people than usual31 - simply because they want to 'benefit.' But this may be exactly why they have not benefited from it! Because This [the supramental consciousness] has not come to make people benefit in any way whatsoever!
They ask if their inner difficulties will be easier to overcome.

I would repeat the same thing. What reason and what right have they to ask that things be easier?
What have they done on their side? Why should it be easier? To satisfy people's laziness and sloth - or what?
Because when something new comes, we always have the idea of benefiting from it.

No! Not only in the case of something new: in every case, there is always this idea of benefiting.

However, that is the best way to get nothing.

Who are you trying to fool? The Divine? ... That is hardly possible.

It's the same with those who ask for an interview. I tell them, 'Look, you have come in large numbers, and if each one asks me for an interview, how could I possibly find enough minutes in so few days to see everyone? While you're here, I wouldn't have even a single minute.' Then they retort, 'Oh, I have taken so MUCH trouble, I have come from so FAR away, I have come from way
31Mother is referring to the darshan of April 24, 1956. Four times a year, for 'darshan,' visitors increasingly poured into the Ashram to pass one by one before Mother (and formerly, Sri Aurobindo) to receive her look.

in the North, I have travelled for so many hours - and I have no right to an interview?' I reply, 'I'm sorry, but you are not the only one in that situation.'
And that's how it is - swapping, bargaining. We are not a commercial enterprise, we have made it clear that we are not doing business.

The number of disciples is increasing now day by day. What does this indicate?
But inevitably - it will increase more and more! Which is why I cannot do what I used to do when there were one hundred and fifty people in the Ashram. If they had just a little bit of common sense, they would understand that I cannot have the same relationship with people now (just imagine,
1,800 people these last days!), so I cannot have the same relationship with 1,845 people (exactly, I believe) as with thirty or even a hundred. That seems an easy enough logic to understand.

But they want everything to remain as it was and, as you say, to be the first to 'benefit.'
Mother, when the mind came down into the earth atmosphere, the ape did not make any effort to convert himself into a man, did he? It was Nature that supplied the effort. But in our case ...

But it's not man who is going to convert himself into a superman!
No?
Just try a little! (laughter) You see, it is something else that is going to do the work.

So we are ...

Only - yes, there is an 'only,' I don't want to be so cruel: NOW MAN CAN COLLABORATE.

That is, he can lend himself to the process, with good will, with aspiration, and help to his utmost.

Which is why I said it will go faster. I hope it will go MUCH faster. But even if it does go much faster, it will still take some time!
(silence)
Look. If all of you who have heard of this, not once but perhaps hundreds of times, who have spoken of it yourselves, thought about it, hoped for it, wanted it (there are some people who have come here only for this, to receive the Supramental Force and to be transformed into supermen, this has been their goal ... ) then how is it that you were ALL such strangers to this Force that when it came, you did not even feel it?!
Can you solve that problem for me? If you find the solution to this problem, you will have the solution to the difficulty.

I am not speaking of people from outside who have never thought about it, who have never felt concerned and who do not even know that there may be something like the Supermind to receive, in fact. I am speaking of people who have built their lives upon this aspiration (and I don't doubt their sincerity for a minute), who have worked - some of them for thirty years, some for thirty-five, others somewhat less - all the while saying, 'When the supermind comes ... When the supermind comes ...' That was their refrain: 'When the supermind comes ...' Consequently, they were really in the best possible frame of mind, one could not have dreamt of a better predisposition. How is it, then, that their inner preparation was so ... let's just say 'incomplete,' that they did not feel the
Vibration immediately, as soon as it came, through a shock of identity?
Individually, each one's goal was to make himself ready, to enter into a more or less intimate individual relationship with this Force, so as to help the process; or else, if he could not help, at least be ready to recognize and be open to the Force when it would manifest. Then instead of being an alien element in a world in which your OWN inner capacity remains unmanifest, you suddenly
become THAT, you enter directly, fully, into the very atmosphere: the Force is there, all around you, permeating you.

If you had had a little inner contact, you would have recognized it immediately, don't you think so?
Well, in any event, that was the case for those who had a little inner contact; they recognized it, they felt it, and they said, 'Ah, there it is! It has come!' But how is it that so many hundreds of people - not to mention the handful of those who really wanted only that, thought only of that, had staked their whole lives on that - how is it that they felt nothing? What can this mean?
It is well known that only like knows like. It is an obvious fact.

There was indeed a possibility to enter into contact with the Thing individually - this was even what Sri Aurobindo had described as being the necessary procedure: a certain number of people would enter into contact with this Force through their inner effort and their aspiration. We had called it the ascent towards the Supermind. And IF and when they had touched the Supermind through an inner ascent (that is, by freeing themselves from the material consciousness), they should have recognized it SPONTANEOUSLY as soon as it came. But a preliminary contact was indispensable - if you have never touched it, how can you recognize it?
That's how the universal movement works (I read this to you a few days ago): through their inner effort and inner progress, certain individuals, who are the pioneers, the forerunners, enter into communication with the new Force which is to manifest, and they receive it in themselves. And because a number of calls like this surge forth, the thing becomes possible, and the era, the time, the moment for the manifestation comes. This is how it happened - and the Manifestation took place.

But then, all those who were ready should have recognized it.

I hasten to tell you that some did recognize it, but they were so few ... But as for those who ask these questions, who even took the trouble to come here, who took the train to gulp this down as you gulp down a soft drink, how can they possibly feel anything whatsoever if they have not prepared themselves at all? Yet they are already speaking of profiting: 'We want to benefit from it ... '
After all, if they have even a tiny bit of sincerity (not too much, it's tiring!), a tiny bit of sincerity, it is quite possible (I am joking), it is quite possible that they might get a few good kicks to make them go faster! It is possible. In fact, I think that's what will happen.

But really, this attitude ... this rather overly commercial attitude, is usually not very profitable. If you have difficulties and you sincerely aspire, it is likely that the difficulties will diminish. Let us hope so.

(Turning to the disciple) So you may tell them this: be sincere and you will be helped.

Mother, very recently a text has been circulating which says, 'What has just now happened, with this Victory, is not a descent but a manifestation. And it is no longer merely an individual event: the Supermind has sprung forth into the universal play.'
Yes, yes, yes! I indeed said all that. I acknowledge it. And so?
It is said, 'The supramental principle is at work ... '
But I have just explained the whole thing to you! (Mother laughs) It's incredible!
What I call a 'descent' is this: first of all, the consciousness climbs in ascent, then you catch the
Thing up above and redescend with it. This is an INDIVIDUAL event.

When this individual event has taken place sufficiently to allow a more general possibility to emerge, it is no longer a 'descent' but a 'manifestation.'

What I call a 'descent' is the individual movement in an individual consciousness. But when a new world is manifesting in an old world - as when similarly the mind spread over the earth - I call it a manifestation.

You may call it whatever you like, it makes no difference to me, but we must understand each other.

What I call a 'descent' takes place in the individual consciousness. In the same way, we speak of
'ascent' (there is no ascent really, there is no high or low, no direction: it's all a manner of speaking) - we speak of 'ascent' when we feel ourselves rising up towards something, and we call it a 'descent' when, after having caught this thing, we bring it down into ourselves.

But when the doors are opened and the flood pours in, it can no longer be called a 'descent': it is a Force that spreads everywhere. Understood? ... Ah!
I don't care what words you use. I do not essentially insist upon my words, but I explain them to you, and it's better to agree on words beforehand, for otherwise there's no end to explanations.

But now, you may reply to those people who are asking these insidious questions that the best way to receive anything whatsoever is not to pull, but to give. If they want to give themselves to the new life, well, the new life will enter into them.

But if they want to pull the new life into themselves, they will close the door with their egoism.

That's all.


July 29, 195632
O Thou who art always there - present in all I do, all I am - not for repose do I aspire, but for THY
INTEGRAL VICTORY.


August 10, 195633
32Note written by Mother in French.

33Note written by Mother in English.


My Lord, through me thou hast challenged the world and all the adverse forces have risen in protest.34
But Thy Grace is winning the victory.


September 12, 195635
(During the Wednesday class)
... A supramental entity had entirely possessed me.

Something a little taller than myself: its feet extended below my feet and its head went a little beyond my head.

... A solid block with a rectangular base - a rectangle with a square base - one single piece.

... A light, not like the golden light of the Supermind: rather a kind of phosphorescence. I felt that had it been night, it would have been physically visible.

... And it was denser than my physical body: the physical body seemed to me almost unreal - as though crumbly - like sand running through your fingers.

... I would have been incapable of speaking, words seemed so petty, narrow, ignorant.

... I saw (how shall I put it?) the successive preparations which took place, in certain anterior beings, in order to achieve this.

... It felt as if I had several heads.

... The experience of February 29 was of a general nature; but this one was intended for me.

... An experience I had never had.

... I begin to see what the supramental body will be.

... I had had a somewhat similar experience at the time of the union of the supreme creative principle with the physical consciousness. But that was a subtle experience, while this was material
- in the body.

... I did not have the experience, I did not look at it: I WAS it.

... And it radiated from me: myriads of little sparks that were penetrating everybody - I saw them enter into each one of those present.

34In fact, following the 'Supramental Manifestation' of February 29, 1956, all of Mother's physical difficulties increased, as though all the obscurities in the physical consciousness were surging forth beneath the pressure of the new light. The same observation applies to the disciples who were around Mother and undoubtedly to the world as a whole.

A strange "mysterious acceleration' was beginning to take hold of the world.

35This text was noted down by a disciple from memory. On the original manuscript submitted for her approval, Mother wrote, 'This account is quite correct,' and She signed the text. Words added or corrected by Mother are in italics.


... One more step.


September 14, 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Hyderabad, September 14, 1956
Sweet Mother,
Scarcely has a moment gone by since I left that I have not thought of you, but I wanted to wait for things to be clear and settled in me before writing, for you obviously have other things to do than listen to platonic declarations.

My friends keep telling me that I am not ready and that, like R, 36 whom they knew, I should go and spend some time in society. They say that my idea of going to the Himalayas is absurd, and they advise me to return to Brazil for a few years to stay with W ... W is an elderly American millionaire - the only 'good' rich man I know - who wanted to make me an heir, as it were, to his financial affairs and who treats me rather like a son. He was quite disappointed when I came back to
India. My friends tell me that if I have to go through a period in the outside world, the best way to do it is to remain near someone who is fond of me, while at the same time ensuring a material independence for the future.

These questions of money do not interest me. In fact, nothing interests me except this something
I feel within me. The only question for me is to know whether I am truly ready for the Yoga, or if my failings are not the sign of some immaturity. Mother, you alone can tell me what is right.

I feel a bit lost, cut off from you. The idea of going to the Himalayas is absurd and I am abandoning it. My friends tell me that I may remain with them as long as I wish, but this is hardly a solution; I don't even feel like writing a book any longer - nothing seems to appeal to me except the trees in this garden and the music that fills a large part of my days. There is no solution other than the Ashram or Brazil. You alone can tell me what to do.

I KNOW that ultimately my place is near you, but is that my place at present, after all these failings? Spontaneously, it is you I want, you alone who represent the light and all that is real in this world; I can love no one but you nor be interested in anything but this thing within me, but will it not all begin again once I have returned to the Ashram? You alone know the stage I am at, what is good for me, what is possible.

Sweet Mother, may I still ask for your Love, your help? For without your help, nothing is possible, and without your love, nothing has any meaning.

I feel that I am your child in spite of all my contradictions and failings. I love you.

Signed: Bernard
36A former disciple who left the Ashram, and subsequently committed suicide.


(Mother's reply)
9.19.56
My dear child,
For my part, there has been no 'cut' and I have not been severe ... My feelings cannot change, for they are based upon something other than outer circumstances.

But perhaps you have felt this way because you had left your work in the Ashram for an entirely personal, that is, necessarily egoistical reason, and egoism always isolates one from the great current of universal forces. That is why, too, you no longer clearly perceive my love and my help which nevertheless are always with you.

You asked me what I see and whether your difficulties will not reappear upon your return to the
Ashram. It may well be. If you return as you still are at present, it may be that after a very short period it will all begin again. That is why I am going to propose something to you - but to accept it you will have to be heroic and very determined in your consecration to my work.

This possibility appeared to me while reading what you wrote about your sojourn in Brazil with
W, the only 'good' rich man you have known. Here is my proposal, which I express to you quite plainly, spontaneously, as it presented itself to me.

Just now, the work is being delayed, curtailed, limited, almost endangered for want of money.

That which you would not do for yourself personally, would you not do it for the divine cause?
Go to Brazil, to this 'good' rich man, make him understand the importance of our work, the extent to which his fortune would be used to the utmost for the good of all and for the earth's salvation were he to put it, even partially, at the disposal of our action. Win this victory over the power of money, and by so doing you will be freed from all your personal difficulties. Then you can return here with no apprehension, and you will be ready for the transformation.

Reflect upon this, take your time, tell me very frankly how you feel about it and whether it appears to you, as it does to me, to be a door opening onto a path that will bring you back, free and strong at last to me.

All my affection is with you, and my blessings never leave you.

Signed: Mother

October 7, 1956
I cried towards the Light and Thou gayest me knowledge.

Z asked me, 'Why didn't you stop it?' 37 I replied, 'Probably because I am not omnipotent!' Then
37Mother is referring to a strike by the salaried workers of the Ashram, one of the numerous internal and external difficulties constantly assailing Her.

he insisted: 'No, that's not it. I make no distinction between your will and the divine will ... and I know that you don't either. So why didn't you stop it?'
And suddenly, I understood.

It was because I hadn't thought of it. It hadn't even grazed my consciousness. The divine will is not at all like that, it is not a will: it is a VISION, a global vision, that sees and ... No, it does not guide (to guide suggests something outside, but nothing is outside), a creative vision, as it were; yet even then, the word 'create' does not here have the meaning we generally attribute to it.

And what is the Ashram? (I don't even mean in terms of the Universe - on Earth only.) A speck.

And why should this speck receive exceptional treatment? ... Perhaps if people here had realized the supermind. But are they so exceptional as to expect exceptional treatment? ...

As Sri Aurobindo says, people see God as a magnified man: he is the Demiurge, Jehovah - what
I call the 'Lord of Falsehood.'
Arbitrariness. But the Divine is not like that!
People say, 'I gave everything, I sacrificed everything. In exchange, I expect exceptional conditions - everything should be beautiful, harmonious, easy.'
But the divine vision is global. The people in the Ashram do not want this strike ... but what about the others? They are ignorant, mean, full of ill will, etc., but in their own way they are following a path, and why should they be deprived of the Grace? By the fact that their action is against the Ashram? It is certainly a Grace.

I said that I had not even thought of intervening. When things threatened to turn bad, I simply applied a force so that it wouldn't become too serious.

Complete surrender ... It is not a matter of giving what is small to something greater nor of losing one's will in the divine will; it is a matter of ANNULLING one's will in something that is of another nature.

What comes to replace this human will?
A consciousness and a vision. And one is filled with joy and ...

I used to be different (although I was said to be non-interfering); I acted, if at all, to defend myself ... But I understood very quickly that even this was a reaction of ignorance and that things would be set right automatically if one remained in the true consciousness.

A consciousness that sees and makes you see.

Which is why things go amiss when people try to force me to act: I am outside of myself, so to speak. As soon as I come back here, with no one around, then I see.

I have called for a greater 'package' of Grace and asked that the truth of things prevail. We shall see what happens.


October 8, 1956

(At about 6 a.m., before
Mother appeared on the balcony)
'Be always at the height of yourself, in all circumstances.'
Then I wondered when and how I am at the height of myself. And this is what I saw:
Two things which were parallel and concomitant - that is, they are always together:
One - identity with the Origin, which imparts an absolute serenity and perfect detachment to the action.

The other - identity with the supreme Grace, which obliterates and abolishes all errors committed in the action by whomsoever and whatsoever - and which annuls all the consequences of these errors.

And the moment I perceived this, I saw that my third attitude in action, which is the will for progress for the whole earth as well as for each particular individual, was not the height of my being.

***
(later, at 10 a.m.)
One is never anything but a divine apprentice: the Divine of yesterday is only an apprentice to the
Divine of tomorrow ... No, I am not speaking of a progressive manifestation - that is much farther below.

When I am at my highest, I am already too high for the manifestation.

I have gone far beyond what I wrote this morning.

What if the human is too heavy, too narrow, too obscure to follow you?
No, it is exactly the opposite of what you are saying. It is not that the Divine in his divinity is opposed to his own manifested self - He is very far beyond, beyond the necessity for Grace; He perceives his unique and exclusive responsibility, and that it is He and He alone who must change in His Manifestation so that all may change.

***
(later, at 1 p.m.)
Won't you at least take a flower?
I wanted to take this little rose ('Tenderness for the Divine'), for I consider it to be the manifestation nearest to divine Love. It's disinterested, spontaneous, intimate.

This is what I wanted to take with me to my super-heaven, as the most precious thing in the human heart.


October 28, 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry, October 28, 1956
Sweet Mother, my birthday is the day after tomorrow, the 30th. I come to place my inner situation before you so that you may help me take a decision.

I am facing the same difficulties as before my departure to Hyderabad, and I have made the same mistakes. The main reason for this state is that, on the one hand, words and ideas seem to have lost all power over me, and on the other, the vital elan which led me thus far is dead. So upon what shall my faith rest? I still have some faith, of course, but it has become totally ABSTRACT. The vital does not cooperate, so I feel all withered, suspended in a void, nothing seems to give me direction anymore. There is no rebelliousness in me, but rather a void.

In this state, I am ceaselessly thinking of my forest in Guiana or of my travels through Africa and the ardor that filled me with life in those days. I seem to need to have my goal before me and to walk towards it. Outer difficulties also seem to help me resolve my inner problems: there is a kind of need in me for the 'elements' - the sea, the forest, the desert - for a milieu with which I can wrestle and through which I can grow. Here, I seem to lack a dynamic point of leverage. Here, in the everyday routine, everything seems to be falling apart in me. Should I not return to my forest in
Guiana?
Mother, I implore you, in the name of whatever led me to you in the first place, give me the strength to do WHAT HAS TO BE DONE. You who see and who can, decide for me. You are my
Mother. Whatever my shortcomings, my difficulties, I feel I am so deeply your child.

Signed: Bernard
P.S. If you see that I should remain here, put in me the necessary strength and aspiration. I shall obey you. I want to obey you.

(Mother's reply)
10.30.56
One should beware of the charm of memories. What remains of past experiences is the effect they have had in the development of the consciousness. But when one attempts to relive a memory by placing oneself again in similar circumstances, one realizes quite rapidly how devoid they are of their power and charm, because they have lost their usefulness for progress.

You are now beyond the stage when the virgin forest and the desert can be useful for your growth. They had put you in contact with a life vaster than your own and they widened the limits of your consciousness. But now you need something else.

So far, your whole life has revolved around yourself; all you have done, even the apparently most disinterested or least egoistic act, has been done with a view to your own personal growth or illumination. It is time to live for something other than yourself, something other than your own
individuality.

Open a new chapter in your existence. Live, no longer for your own realization or the realization of your ideal, however exalted it may be, but to serve an eternal work that transcends your individuality on all sides.

Signed: Mother

November 22, 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry, November 22, 1956
Sweet Mother,
For weeks on end, I have been spending nearly all my nights battling with serpents. Last night, I was attacked by three different kinds of serpents, each more venomous and repugnant than the other???
Signed: Bernard

December 12, 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry, December 12, 1956
Mother, a letter from W. He is leaving Brazil and retiring from business for good.

Mother, what can I do with my life? I feel absolutely alone, in a void. What hope remains since I have not been able to integrate into the Ashram? I am goalless. I am from nowhere. I am good for nothing.


I have wanted to remain near you, and I love you, but there is something in me that does not accept an 'Ashram ending.' There is a need in me to DO, to act. But what? What? Have I something to do in this life?
For years I have dreamed of going to Chinese Turkestan. Should I head in that direction? Or towards Africa?
I don't see a thing, nothing. Oh Mother, I turn towards you in this void that is stifling me. Hear my prayer. Tell me what I must do. Give me a sign. Mother, you are my sole recourse, for who else would show me the path to be taken, who else but you would love me? Or is my fate to go off into the night?
Forgive me, Mother, for loving you so poorly, for giving myself so badly. Mother, you are my only hope, all the rest in me is utter despair.

Your child,
Signed: Bernard

December 26, 1956
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry, December 26, 1956
Mother, perhaps it would be good if I told you what is happening within me, as sincerely as I can:
I feel that this Truth of my being, this self most intensely felt, is independent from any form or institution. As far back as I can reach in my consciousness, this 'thing' has been there; it was what drove me at an early age to liberate myself from my family, my religion, my country, a profession, marriage or society in general. I feel this 'thing' to be a kind of absolute freedom, and I have been feeling within me this same profound drive for more than a year. Is this need for freedom wrong?
And yet is it not because of this that the best in me has blossomed?
This is actually what is happening in me: I never really accepted the W solution, and the solution of Somaliland doesn't appeal to me. But I feel drawn by the idea of Turkestan, as I already told you, and this is why:
Ten years ago, I had two intuitions - the first of which, to my great astonishment, was realized.

It was that I had something important to do in South America - and though I never could have foreseen such a voyage, I went there. The second was that I had something to do in Turkestan.

Mother, this is the problem around which I have desperately been turning in circles. What is the truth of my destiny? Is it that which is urging me so strongly to leave, or that which is struggling against my freedom? For ultimately, sincerely, what I want is to fulfill my life's truth. If I have ever had a will, then it is: LET BE WHAT MUST BE. Mother, how can one truly know? Is this drive, this very old and very CLEAR urge in me, false??

Your child,
Signed: Bernard



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